Just to remind you of your words I am including them here. I have reproduced the words exactly as you typed them with absolutely no editing.
I just don't understand!
Why do people adopt that have "careers?" Wouldn't that sweet angel be better off with someone that cared enough to take care of her themselves instead of letting the daycare workers raise hert? Hasn't she had enough of being institutionalized? My heart just breaks for her.
Just asking?
First, I will get the most offensive point off my chest. How dare you show up here and state that I don't care enough about my daughter because I work. You have no earthly idea what you are talking about before passing judgment. NONE.
Second, whatever heart you have hardly needs to break for my daughter. Please, save it all for yourself. My child will be given every opportunity to be a well-adjusted, well-rounded girl. She will be taught how to be an independent woman of strength and integrity. As well, she will be taught compassion and understanding rather than narrow-mindedness and hypercritical behavior.
So, why DO people adopt who (not 'that') have careers? For many of the same reasons why people who work choose to have biological children. We want to be parents. Being cleared to adopt certainly is even more involved because adoptive parents have to meet the approval of several outside agencies in order to move forward with an adoption. If everyone who had to maintain employment no longer was 'good enough' to be a parent, I daresay the population would drop dramatically. Most of us DO have to work for a living and that should NOT prevent us from becoming parents. Rather, I am pleased that my daughter will have a very positive work ethic modeled for her.
I am not going to get into a debate of stay-at-home vs. working parents. Suffice it to say that there are absolutely incredible parents in both of these categories. As well, there are lousy ones in both categories too. Being a stay-at-home parent does not, in itself, make one a good parent by a longshot. I'm sorry you don't understand that.
As though it were your business, my child spends 30 hours per week in a place I decided on after months of searching and researching. According to you, those 30 hours per week make me not worthy of being a parent. I'm glad the people I surround myself with do not feel this way. I am pleased with how my child's time is spent and she is now enjoying time with new playmates. I find this time very important for her regardless of my work demands. She greatly benefits from interaction with other children and I like how things are structured and monitored during her day when I am at work. If we're happy with how it's going then that is simply that.
When I am required to be on call I have immediate family in my home with us in the event I would have to leave for a period of time. My daughter knows and loves the family members staying so she is not being 'chucked to the side' as you might like to believe working moms might do.
You were 'just asking' and I have just answered. If you feel the need to be self-righteous and holier-than-thou with your breaking heart, I suggest you may find yourself more comfortable elsewhere. My daughter does not need your pity.
Good day, Russell.
The facts
- C's Mom
- Midwest, United States
- Welcome! Thanks for visiting us. My daughter and I became a family in Jiangxi Province, China. Life has taken on a whole new meaning and it's the sweetest thing.
What day is it?
Subscribe To
Posts
Comments
74 comments:
Very eloquently stated response. I am sorry that he said the things he did. He had no right to make those comments to you. {{{Hugs}}}
Love it! You very eloquently answered a question that was ridiculous. Anyone who follows your blog knows what a fantastic, devoted, and loving mother you are (and were, long before your daughter even came home). She is very lucky to have a strong, independent, female role model like you!
P.S. I've been reading you for a long time, but have never commented. I just had to de-lurk for this one though.
Amen.
Wow, what an asshat.
Since I work also and have my daughter in daycare, I'm right there with you. I can honestly say that it's the best thing for us. My daughter loves, loves, loves her daycare. She has learned to play with other children and to share. Two things she would not have learned at home since she's an only child. She's just blossomed in this setting, and we still have plenty of family time.
You are doing a great job. Don't let the idiots get you down.
Amen sister! 'Nough said.
I particularly enjoyed the grammatical correction 'that' to 'who'. It's a huge pet peeve of mine and it seems almost everyone does it. I love it that you don't.
As Magi just said - don't let the idiots get you down.
You did not need to defend yourself in ANY way, but Amen to all you said.
I have had idiots say the stupidest things to me (on the blog and in public). I guess it will never change. Sometimes I feel the need to defend myself, but other times I just send a great big "F You" to whoever is being an ass, like "Russell".
Good day, Russell indeed!!!!!!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Very well said. And Russell if you don't like what you see on this blog then just simply stay away!!!!!
Love, Kristy
I have never commented on your site, but thought this was a good one to chime in on.
I am a SAHM (and feel very lucky I am able to do this), but my husband obviously works-so that I can stay home. So does this person think my husband does not deserve to be a parent because he works outside of the home?
Unless you are independently weathly (and few of us are) at least one parent is working.
And I personally would not equate a daycare setting with an orphanage-and if you do...then you have not seen an orphange in person.
No matter what a person believes re: working vs. SAH parents- all of these children deserve a home and I would suspect this commenter was someone who is sadly stuck in the 3-5 year wait right now and feeling like you "took" a child that could have been theirs.
It's not our (as Americans, Canadians etc) choice who gets to adopt these children. That right belongs to CHINA and CHINA alone. THey obviously think working parents are acceptable and who are we to second guess anything that China decides is best for their own children?
Whoa! Unbelievable that someone would even say those things. I rack that right up their with the question to me as to why I got to adopt Maddy when I already have 5 children. I guess just because I have children, I have no right to another. And to top it all off... BOTH of Maddy's parents work. FULL-TIME.
What a jerk. Loved your post!!! Answered those questions directly and firmly. Way to go.
ps. I think you will be successful in raising an "independant woman of strength and integrity!"
perhaps Russell needs to educate himself on the IMPORTANCE of this environment for your daughter- how critical it is, in fact, for her SPEECH, DEVELOPMENTAL, PHYSICAL, development.. just to name a few other BENEFITS of her WONDERFUL DAYCARE.
Amen again! Hopefully Russell will go back into the tree hole he/she is currently residing in. I LOVE how you are raising an "independent woman"!!! The world will be run one day by a woman who was raised with mom like you.
Wondefully said. What an idiot that Russell is. People do have to work for a living and kids grow up just fine. C will be better off having you as a working mom. Blessings to you and C. Love reading your blog.
Kathy
At least he signed his name. I guess. Your answer was fab! I also know a few shitty SAHMs. One in particular comes to mind. Yikes. I feel sorry for her kids. I can't imagine old Russ has read much of your blog.
Maybe you should quit your job and move under a bridge where you could "stay home" with C? I imagine that would be heaps better for all.
I love how someone pointed out that he had obviously not seen an orphanage if he was going to compare it to your carefully chosen daycare. I have a few pictures for him if he would really like a broken heart. You just have to laugh at some of the idiots out there - once your blood stops boiling that is.
Well said. Judgmental people never cease to amaze me. Just WHO do they think they are, anyway? Sigh.
Go get em!!!!
Wow. Unbelievable that someone would deem it acceptable to stop by someone else's blog and leave a comment like that. I'd jump in with a tongue-lashing for dear Russell, but I dare say I couldn't have said it better myself.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that comment! I had a couple of nasty ones when I forfeited the adoption to get married. Some people are just mean and judgmental. I'm glad you gave 'em hell!
BEAUTIFULLY commented..
Enough said.. because what I would say would not be blogger worthy..
Hugs..
Pipa is in the BEST place..
Hugs..
Have a great week..
You go girl!!!!!!! I would much rather teach a child of a working outside of the home mom than one that lays up in assisted housing (i.e. the projects). Somehow the mindset of the parent is much different - kind of like education versus no high school diploma. That is a NO BRAINER.
I guess I should thank my lucky stars that I'm still alive (and successful) after being raised by two full-time working parents!!
geesh.... people never cease to amaze me.
gotta go...I need to call my mom and thank her... snort ;o)
My suggestion for Russell is he work in an orphanage and then in a daycare. See if he notices any difference!!! Many children of stay at home mom's go to daycare several days a week to socialize them, so what problem does he see with that.
Your daughter is a wonderful gift and is more loved then alot of children I've seen and she will be a strong, independent woman, just like all the other children who grow up surrounded with Love...
Amen to your answer... Linda
Very well said!
Nicely said, although narrow minded people like "Russell" will never *get it.* The two of you are very lucky to have each other.
From another single, working mom to my two girls from china.
Couldn't have said it better!!!
I hope you are not letting this bother at all. The people who know you and love you know what an awesome mom you are, and that is not based on whether you work or not. I personally think you daughter has the best role model ever and I hope she grows up and wants to be just like her mama!!
Hugs to you and wee one
PIPO, you are a class act. And a great momma, too. Or so says this stay-at-home-momma .
WAY TO GO! Good Day is right!!
From a parttime career women/SAHM!
Russell, the Heir to the Massengill fortune, does not know who he is messing with!
Keep smilin!
Hello... to you and your loyal associates. I am an educated, tenured, college professor at Georgia Tech University. I have been married to the same wonderful, beautiful woman for 42 years. We have 5 biological and 5 adopted children. This awesome woman gave up a lucrative, law practice to stay at home and raise her children. This was her own decision not mine. I am not insensitive, rude, or an ass. I am a God-fearing, loving husband and father to 5 young ladies and 5 young men. All 10 of our children have been home-schooled and graduated college, most with honors. All five of my daughters are single and have "careers." Two are missionaries in Africa and I consider this a "career" for God. All our children have the desire to adopt in the future. Several have already done so. As I am also grandfather to 18 beautiful "rainbow kids."
None of my children would consider adopting if they or their spouse were not in the position to be at home and mother or father that child full time. Daycare is not mothering or fathering. It is letting someone else do the job.
I began reading China adoption blogs about a year ago as one of my female students is doing her thesis on this very subject and I found it quite interesting. I started making comparisons to adopted children raised at home and adopted children raised in daycare. I looked at 100, randomly picked cases. Just picked them out of the blue, so as not to hinder the facts. Of the 100 blogs and stories I followed, 76 mothers or fathers stayed at home with the children. The rest put the children in daycare. Some of the "daycare parents" were single mothers and some were married. Well, I think you know in your heart the results. If you will be honest with yourself. I will be happy to forward all my finding to you. I shared them with my classes at Georgia Tech. None of them were shocked. The children raised at home with a loving and caring parent (mother or father)had NO... absolutely NO... problems with RAD or any of the many attachment disorders. And of course the children of the others had all sorts of problems, just like the ones you are having with your daughter. I never said you didn't love or care for your daughter. I would never say anything like that. I believe you do as the many others in my study do also, but that doesn't negate the fact that children need to be raised at home. If you aren't married or can't afford to quit and raise a family than please it's beyond my realm of understanding why you would want to adopt a child and stick them in another place for someone to raise?? It's just not fair to these kids. It reeks of selfish gratification. Think how many more tramas you are putting them through.
Just saying.
OK Let's continue this debate. Publish this comment and let others perhaps those that do stay at home and raise their children will have a thought or two.
I pray for your daughter every night that she will not be shaken like poor baby Noah did at his wonderful "day care."
The kids call me Professor Russ
Very well said!! I love coming to your Blog, you write so eloquently. I am sorry that Russell felt he had the right to come into your personal space and spew garbage. I can't stand those self righteous types! So glad Pipa has such an awesome role model!!
Ellen
You go girl!!! I cannot believe that someone would be that bold to say that working people do not deserve to have children. Oh my stars, Russell "GET A LIFE"!!!!!
Oh please, Russell. I hope there was more to this 'comparison' of yours than following blogs/stories and noting that SAHP claimed no 'issues' for their children while working parents did. Pray tell there was a more appropriate way of gathering data than reading sanitized blogs? Also, 100 families is one mighty small 'n' when looking at adoptive families.
As well, a portion of those who have commented already ARE stay-at-home-parents. So, not all think as you do.
Let's face it, we will never see eye-to-eye. C'est la vie. I do not disparage your decisions for your family and I do not welcome you disparaging mine. I fully believe my daughter will do well 'surviving' all the 'traumas' her 'substandard' mother puts her through.
Yeah, it is high on my list that I have chosen a care provider who will not likely harm my child. Goodness knows no stay at home parent has ever murdered her own children! I won't even get into a discussion of who can perform more heinous acts upon a child.
Call it a day, Russell. You need not concern yourself with me NOR my child.
You see, we live in a great country. We are allowed to disagree and all lead productive, happy lives.
You tell him! I AM a SAHM with this child. I worked with my first. There is no difference with their intelligence or behavior. They are both amazing!!! You are doing an awesome job. Actually I think I was a better mom while I worked!
Russell's wife must be a saint to live with such a "perfect example" to us all. The man needs to get a hobby and a life! Anyway, he has had enough time here. Good bye, Russ, don't let the door hit you on the way out!
Russel,
First I am not as nice as PIPO...so I will tell you not so nicely to KISS MY ASS!
Secondly ten children really??? Some would argue HOW ON GODS EARTH can someone effectively parent 10 children...even with a stay at home parent. And speaking of GOD, why am I not surprised that you brought our dear Father in Heaven in to this discussion??? Certainly you Russel know that for you to pass " judgment"....well I am sure you know the answer to that....Being a professor and all.
As a former sAHM one the best things I ever did for my children was return to work. I am not sure that given the opportunity and cash to stay home that I could do it anyway...well maybe only work part-time.
In case you lost interest in my comment Russel....you can just Kiss my ass!!
Oh boy.
I need to say this first, "Russell, you are a nimrod!" I have never posted on this blog before now, but I have followed it since before Pipo went to China to adopt her beautiful daughter. I am also a single Mom with a career. I adopted my beautiful daughter from the same orphanage as a Pipo's beautiful girl. My daughter was 9 mos. old at the time. She is now 11 years old. Yes, she was in daycare for the first 5 years of her life. It was a wonderful daycare sponsored by my employer. She thrived there. She is a happy loving social girl. She is a straight A student and an excellent athlete. She is a competitive swimmer with Southeastern Qualifying times and made the SE Swimming All Star Team just recently. She had no symptoms of RAD as a baby, but she was a very spirited child indeed. Parenting, whether single or married, is not a job for the faint of heart. But my daughter is one example in hundreds, thousands, millions that single adoptive parents can successfully raise a happy, healthy, thriving, productive child who is prepared to go out and take on the world. I am also raising an open-minded child who does not pass judgement on non-traditional families.....something that Russell apparently is not capable of doing himself and has not taught his own children. Pipo....you just keep on keeping on! You and Pipa will be ok, despite the nimrods in the world.
There are SO many things I could say on this subject--and I think that I get a pretty good glimpse of lots of families, as I am a kindergarten teacher. I can tell you, Pipo, that you've stated your points just beautifully. There are well-adjusted children with stay-at-home moms, and there are poorly adjusted children with stay-at-home moms. Whether or not the parents work DOES NOT factor in on how happy, smart, and well-adjusted children are. Family dynamics differ from family to family, and that's OK. "Professor Russ" can make general statements, but applying those statements to everyone is a huge problem. In his case, with 10 children, I am certainly glad that his wife stayed home. I'm sure that there are many folks who would feel that with that many children, it's hard to give them the care and attention that they need, regardless of whether or not you stay home with them. There are those who would also feel that having 10 children is another type of "selfish gratification." Who has the right to criticize his family, though? Certainly not me. It seems (from his comment above) that his children have thrived. But children of working parents thrive, too, as evidenced by the many comments you've had on the subject. So what is Russell hoping to gain by making you feel guilty?!? I would argue that there are things that are happening in good daycare settings that are better for a child's physical, cognitive, and social development than what would happen in a home. Professionals in the field of child development are hardly just letting children run around willy-nilly, while soap operas are broadcast on TV. The right type of daycare setting can enhance parenting. It boils down to--regardless of your working situation--if your children are your number-one priority. For some people they are, and for others, it's obvious that they are not. I could go on and on...but like I said when I started this comment, you've stated your position VERY well, and you don't need me to back you up. I just wanted you to know that you have my support.
this stay-at-home mom has made note of the name the 'kids call you" at Georgia Tech.
I will MAKE SURE that my step-daughter who will be attending GA Tech in the fall does NOT have ANY classes taught by you.
I think that Russell is being really self righteous (sp?) here, by stating that this is the only way to raise kids. I think that you should never be so narrow minded regardless of the topic. However, I do feel bad for you guys who have to return to work after 6 weeks. I think that it should be much longer. We get 9 months off here in Canada which I think is so much better! The US government should really look at lengthening your time to be home! I think that the results will always depend on all circumstances! I have done both, stay at home and work. And I do agree that at this time, I'm a better mom by going to work! I also think its unfortunate that you are being criticized, since I know a ton of people with biological children who spend less time with them, but don't get this kind of grief!
As a long-time lurker and a working single mom with a teenaged daughter from China, I have to second Mama Duck's question to Prof. Russ: What is he hoping to gain by making you feel guilty? Why is it that some people feel the need to pass judgment on others when the others are simply minding their own business. Why does Russell feel the need to tell you (us?) about how wonderful his family is and well-adjusted and fabulous and intelligent and -- oh, you get the picture. I think because maybe, just maybe, everything is not so terribly rosy as all that. And maybe others who do not look or think like Russell really do a great (albeit different) job of raising kids that turn out to be intelligent, healthy, tax-paying, voting and law-abiding adults as Russell and his kind do. Isn't that what it's all about anyway in our country?
And as a professor at Georgia Tech, Russell surely knows about the scientific method and statistical analysis. Using 100 families he read about on blogs surely does not represent any type of scholarly analysis that I would put any faith in. I mean, come on Russell, you would give your students a big fat "F" if they turned in a paper like that!
BTW, as a adoption professional, some of the most screwed up families I see are the ones with a SAHM who are in deep denial because they refuse to see what is really going on and get help for it because "that can't happen to me"!
PIPO: Keep up the good work! We still love you in bloggy land!
Wow.
Dear Professor Russ,
For all of the knowledge that you claim, allow me to correct you.
1. Trauma is spelled TRAUMA, not trama.
2. As a SAHM for over 11 years now, I can honestly say that Pipo said it best, "Suffice it to say that there are absolutely incredible parents in both of these categories. As well, there are lousy ones in both categories too. Being a stay-at-home parent does not, in itself, make one a good parent by a longshot. I'm sorry you don't understand that."
Maybe you should take 100 random blogs and study the glimpse into their lives & then tell me how great all those SAHM are. Let us all remember that people only show what they want seen on blogs. I can't beleive you'd make such a balsy statement and only have 'blogs' as your professional data. It sounds to me like some serious rotten teaching skills to make a point that you apparently have personal feelings about.
3. Personally, I find 10 kids to be insane & wonder how your wife really cared for those kids while you were hard at work toiling away for the necessities of life. Maybe she wasn't really present with them, though she was home with them. You don't know, you weren't there, you were working...remember?
4. Did you really just pass such a harsh judgement on a strangers life that you know nothing about? Really? How would your Heavenly Father feel about those judgements?
5. Maybe all the single Mom's can just quit work to raise their children so that the few left in the workforce can work harder to help pay for those single Mom's kids. Idiot.
6. You painted your wife to be quite the diva raising kids, keeping a home, homeschooling...haven't you noticed that women are the best multi-taskers around. A woman can certainly parent a child and hold a career.
7. I'm just so shocked that you seem to be a well educated man and have formed this obnoxious conclusion based on blogs & then proceeded to present it to your classes.
8. Daycare isn't a dumping ground for parents to busy to raise their children, it's a great place for children to learn, play & grow. But I guess you've never stepped foot in one with the fabulous fantasy life you portrayed.
9. I wonder if your wife felt like a dumping ground for 10 kids while you just simply had to walk out the door every morning while the morning routine of chaos was going on around you or maybe you left before your herd woke up in the morning so you didn't have to deal with it. The point is, I don't know you & I would never pass judgement on your life, no matter how ludicrous I believe 10 kids are and if you really want to get down to it, I'm not a fan of homeschooling either. But I would never pop into YOUR world and make such an uncalled for statment.
10. Last but not least, your a dumbass. Plain & Simple.
Crap! I've seen the light (haven't you??) ... off with the shoes, skip the birth control, quitting my job and back in the kitchen for me. Thanks, Russell! xoxo
Russel
I parent my daughter and so does my hubby. I work for one hour a day and when I do my hubby takes care of the youngest who is not at school. Neither of us is particularly God fearing. I add this since you keep mentioning God. My youngest daughter was 12 months when she joined our family and showed many more signs of attachment disorder than our oldest. She certainly showed no significant signs of RAD but thee were signs nonetheless that she was having a very hard time over coming the changes that had occurred in her very short life. Did I blog it all...heck no. WIll I talk about it openly to anyone that asks me that is involved in adoption? Of course I will because they need to know but in my blog I didn't write every single detail I just glided across it.
Your holier than thou attitude is both absurd and outdated. Your data for your study is biased. You are foolish to believe you can get the facts from reading blogs.
Shcuks...I can't finish this now cos I have to take care of MY children but I will hit publish anyway cos you need to be straightened out...dammit!
Wow C - You're a better woman than I with your level-headed responses!
My heart just breaks for poor Russell. He has no idea what he's missing outside his teeny tiny world of judgment, narrow-mindedness, and self-rightousness!
Much love to you and Baby C!
HA! Well said - love it! Good for you for not letting his comments slide.
Bravo, Pipo!
Here you go, Russell, research these:
Oct*mom: Stay-at-home mom on the verge of catastrophically damaging all 14 of her innocent children...
John & Kate + eight and then minus one since mommy may want to leave because Daddy's dating a homewrecker...but Kate's a stay-at-home mom...
Take your righteous indignation along with your megalomania and get some counseling.
"Free your mind and the rest will follow..."
I have been reading your blog for a few months now. I started reading it because I also plan to adopt. Not for some strange ulterior motive like someone else has mentioned.
I can tell what an amazing mother and intelligent woman you are and you are a wonderful role model for your little girl. I personally am glad that your blog is public because I have been able to read and enjoy it. However, you are more likely to come across ignorant self-righteous people like "Professor Russ".
His "study" really is a joke, and to teach this "study" to his students is just wrong. They are paying for an education, not his ignorance. And I am honestly not surprised that all his daughters are single. With a male "role model" like him, I doubt they would want to marry a man who could turn out like him.
Anyway, I hope this "perfect specimen" can leave your blog alone now and the rest of us can continue to read your wonderful blog.
I am SHOCKED that someone would say these things..Did he not know that June Cleaver passed away in the 60's and women are can work and have a career (we can vote too just incase he had his head up his ass when that happen too).
This is YOUR blog and you should NOT have to explain yourself. I am sorry that someone would say this to you..
Gaaaw I love you girls!!
Ummm...Georgia Tech, you need to re-evalute your scholarly requirements and standards. Because if "Professor Russ" is the standard by which you allow yourself to be judged, it is a sad day for Georgia Tech.
Rock on, Pipo!!!!
Signed,
A former professor
Seriously, 100 blogs is the data he used to get this intelligent analysis - no really Russell is that what you used? Your kidding right? It's already been said on the above comments but one more comment can't hurt and may possibly help Mr. R go away. I've been a working mom and actually, are you sitting down? left my precious child in the care and hands of another when he was just 12 weeks old - okay breath. Wow - he survived!!!! Amazing right? I'm now a stay at home mom and like others mentioned there are parents both sahm and working that suck!!! That's right and there are both sahm and working parents that are incredible!!! I do believe Pipo is on the incredible side :) Please go away now... Oh and by the way 10 kids? are you serious? I personally have a problem with that perhaps I should come a knocking and let you know.
I spend a signficant amount of time desperately trying to teach my students that researching on the internet is a mixed bag and everything should be well documented and backed up with real names and corporate/school contact information before it should be used. It is only a matter of time before one of them tells me that someone is using blog postings to support their psychological or scientific hypothesis of successful parenting methods.
Of course, there's really nothing to prove I am a teacher... I could really be a 16 year old boy looking to ruffle some feathers. Perhaps "Professor Russ" and I could trade some zit remedies?
Hello Prof. @#$%head,
While I would normally NEVER judge anyone's choices, here's something that glaringly stands out to me:
You are judging one woman for putting ONE child in daycare, where that child will be cared for by 2-3 different caregivers AT ONE TIME for a FEW hours a day, claiming this will damage her in various ways...
YET... you think that ONE WOMAN tending to TEN different children - and homeschooling them at that - has the ability to give MORE attention to ALL TEN at ONE time than 2-3 caregivers can to 6-8 kids???
Just because your wife stayed/stays home doesn't make her a better mother. Period. It only makes her the woman who - being married to you - didn't seem to have a choice but to stay home.
I also realize that you are getting on in years, and you probably have a very chauvinistic attitude towards women in the workplace based on the generational ideology that suggests "a woman's place is in the home"... either that or you're just simply delusional or borderline senile.
It's sad really, that you can possibly think orphaned/abandoned children should languish without a family if there isn't a family member able to be present 24/7. Imagine how many more children would live and die in an institutionalized setting if anyone agreed with your completely insane beliefs.
hy don't you go and tell the orphaned and abandoned children of the world that they won't be allowed to have a family because there's a possibility that they might have to have a parent who pays for the roof over their heads... and while you're at it, go find out how many of your children you've passed on your chauvinistic beliefs on to. THAT is where you'll find the REAL crime taking place in all of this...
Hi There
I'm a long-time "lurker" as well but felt compelled to comment on Professor Russ's amazing insights.
My brother-in-law is one of 7 children. His mother was a SAHM and did the best she could, but with 7 children under 12 years old, how could she? My BIL has serious attachment issues as a result of his mother falling pregnant almost immediately after he was born.
He (like the rest of his siblings) were passed around to other relatives while his mother suffered from horrendous morning sickness and was unable to get out of bed.
She tried her best, but my BIL cannot form longterm attachments and my sister has given up trying (after 12 years) to help him through it.
She reached the decision after reading some his childhood report cards which all said, every school term "Would do so much better if he completed his homework." No-one was ever available to help him with his homework because there was always some other chore that needed doing.
I can only believe that you have the wool firmly pulled over your eyes with regards to the real situation in your household (unlike the other posters here I will make judgments over your life).
You want to believe that your wife was happy because then you don't have to feel guilty about heaping such a ridiculous amount of children on her!
There is no way any of your children got the quality time they needed with their parents.
You should be ashamed of yourself, my _heart_ breaks for _your_ children that they didn't get placed with a family that was prepared to be more responsible about allocating their resources.
I bet your children spent more than 30 hours a week huddled up with more children than you would find in specialised child care facilities.
Well, I suppose he's entitled to his opinion. But he sure picked an inappropriate place to voice it!
Donna
What a jerk and apparent academic hack.
As soon as I read the original post, I said to myself, "I bet he's some bigoted, religious-zealot home-schooler." Then gee, he gave us more information and yep, I sounds like I was right. His poor family sounds creepily similar to that Dugger-cult family of 18 on TV.
Good thing Russell doesn't make the rules, otherwise, PIPO and I would be stuck at home, on welfare with no job, have long straight hair and be wearing a prairie dress...and probably be stuck having to "pray" at the drop of a hat.
No thanks.
A wise woman once said, "It takes a village". We're quite happy and well-adjusted in ours.
p.s. all home schoolers please don't take offense, my only problem with the HS'ers of the world are the ones like old Russ. I recognize that for some kids/families, HS'ing may be a good choice.
This guy gives new meaning to the "Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech"!
Butt out Rusty...
Sharon
Wow, I leave for a month and look what I come back to.
AMEN sister! I LOVED your response. Sometimes I wish bio parents HAD to go through the same approval process adoptive parents have to.
And it's all about quality, not quantity. Effective parenting does not mean you have to be the sole care provider 24/7! Sheesh.
I have a lot of catching up to do on your blog (I have been gone a month) so please forgive me if I bombard you with tons of comments in the next few days.
Can PIPA get any cuter? Give her a big squishy hug from Kerri and us!
Wow...I am amazed by all of this. Just shaking my head ~ I don't think that anyone has the right to judge how a family raises and provides for their children. Children need loving homes. Everyones circumstances are different. We have been fortunate to have done both the SAHM scenario -and now the traditional workforce roles. It is all what you make of it and the time that you spend with your children. We made a conscious decision to have two working parents when we decided to pursue adoption. Is the trade off worth it - absolutely !
I could be home with 4 but I'd rather be working and have my 6.
Oh my, I love a good debate but despise people who are so opinionated and use religion as a reason to render judgement on others. My god doesn't teach me to pass judgement on others particularly those who I do not know. As another single mother to an adopted child, I recognize how important it is for me to have balance in my life and the same goes for my daughter. I worked very hard to achieve my professional success and worked equally hard to fulfill my goal of becoming a parent. My earnings are equal to that of married couples and while I do not believe material objects are important, I have the resources to provide her with what she needs. My daughter who was a waiting child that was caste aside in her homeland was given a loving, safe, nurturing home that provides her opportunity to maximize every potential she has to live the best life possible. She thrives in her daytime environment and at a sick visit to the doctor this week was informally stated to be demonstrating some skills equal to a five year old child. She just turned three. While I know I do everything to foster her abilities I credit her daycare for much of what she has learned, especially her language skills. She has superior social skills, is learning academically, has improved her language and physical abilities. She attends a tumbling/gym class, goes to the park with me often, nature walks, museums and play dates. She is encouraged to be whoever it is she wants to be, whether a fairy or a frog. I nurture her creative side and spend every non-working available moment with her while still enjoying my adult time. I have a wonderful partner who is an extremely positive male role model for her and loves her unconditionally as she does him. She has never had a babysitter other than my own mother or grandmother. While I respect SAHP, I have no desire to be one and admit I could never do it full time. I believe both my daughter and I need outside stimulation and experiences to live fully. While I work, my schedule and employer afford me the opportunity to be flexible to attend doctor's appointments, meet with therapists, converse with teachers and be a class volunteer. I rely on no one else to support my family and will raise my daughter to be equally independent as an adult while allowing her every chance to be a child. While I don't know PIPO personally I know she has what it takes to be a wonderful mom to a lovely little girl. There are arguments to every point Russell made but with all the single adoptive parents I know, their children are strong, emotionally healthy and well loved. I can't say the same for 1/2 the married coupled I know. Rock on people!
I wonder what the children of all you daycare ladies would say when asked, "Would you rather spend all day long with strangers that are there for a paycheck and hardly know you or spend the day in your own home with a loving parent?"
That's where it all ends isn't it?........ The children?
OK ladies, I'm out of here.
You know the old saying, "When the ignorant can't think of anything intelligent to say, they curse!"
Professor Russ
Oh geez.
C, I'm so so sorry, this guy had to show up at "your place" and sprout his self-righteous attitudes.
You and C were made for each other. You are an awesome Mum and (I don't know from personal experience, but) you are an expert midwife. You kick-ass girlfriend! I take my hat off to you, for doing so much - so well.
((hugs))
I just read Russell's comments. It makes me incredibly sad that "God fearing" people often feel that their life choices are the only right life choices.
PIPO,
You are an amazing person. I have the utmost of respect for you & the choices you have made to ensure that your child has the life you want her to have.
Russell,
I will say what PIPO won't "Bite me you arrogant donkey's behind!"
I am an adoptive mother who is married. Both my husband & I work outside the home. Our daughter is an amazing little girl, & we are honored that China chose us to be her parents. There is nothing that we wouldn't do for our daughter. And that includes both of us working to give her what she needs.
My goddaughter is also an adopted child of China. I would give my life for this little girl also. She has an amazing set of parents. Her father works outside the home. Her mother is a SAHM. She does go to school now. BTW, for what it's worth you arrogant pig, my goddaughter suffers RAD in ways you can't begin to imagine. Her mother stays home for her. Did that stop the RAD? No. Did it stop the attachment/bonding issues? No.
It doesn't matter whether or not a parent stays home. If a child has issues, he/she has issues. Sometimes a parent works to get the help the child needs. Insurance is neither cheap nor free. Were you willing to provide the insurance for my child or goddaughter? Ah. I thought not.
And who the hell are you to judge PIPO in her choice to become a mother?
If I read correctly, you are a G-d fearing person. Judge not lest ye be judged yourself. Dude, you're judging.
************
PIPO,
I understand if you choose to delete my comment. This guy pissed me off.
Hugs!
Tammie
Russel ~
It makes me feel incredibly sad when self-proclaiming Christians forget that Jesus' two most important commandments include the word LOVE.
From a former kindergarten teacher turned stay-at-home momma whose daughter experienced major attachment and sensory issues for nearly three years. And it wasn't because of anything I did or failed to do. It just WAS.
Amen!
Thank you for stating that!
I guess for some women, it's nice to not have to work for a living, but there's definitely something to say for someone who works and is an excellent parent. It shows children that hard work is how you earn things. It also teaches independence, social skills (at child care), and helps them to become well-rounded individuals, all things that I see are missing in children these days.
People like Russell are ignorant.
Ignorance is bliss - for the ignorant.
Thanks on behalf of working moms everywhere!
I have 3 words for Russell...
Male Chauvanist PIG!
Crawl back under your bridge, you Troll...women can be anything and everything we choose to be!
What I would never choose to be is a student of such an ignorant person.
Oh, please. This issue was resolved decades ago. After WWII, it was one of two arguments for not employing women. It was found that children of working parents do just as well as children in households where one parent stays home. I was raised in daycare - I'm fine. No need for any further discussion. It's 2009. Let's bury this 1950s mentality, shall we?
What freakin' rock have I been hiding under that I missed all this??
Not that my $.02 are really needed but I felt I had to say something.
First off it's one thing to work because you want the ability to drive a 700 series BMW, buy Jimmy Choo shoes, live in a McMansion and put your kids in daycare for the material things in life. It's another to put your kids in daycare because you have to work to provide. My sister is a daycare provider and there are quite a few kids she cares for that she feels sorry for because they are treated by their parents as possessions. They exist because the assumption is that if you're married you have to be a parent. I guess this character (Russell) would rather have single mothers stay-at-home and live on the public dole rather than be responsible parents. And to go back to my sister, there are kids she cares for that are wonderful parents and do everything possible for their kids but have to work.
As you stated PIPO there are crappy parents who stay-at-home and work. There are parents that work who are just as great as some stay-at-home parents.
You are doing a fantastic job and you are giving PIPA a life that she otherwise would not have had living in an orphanage. Who is to say she would ever have been adopted if she had not been matched with you?
Obviously this GT professor (I knew there was a reason I never liked GT - sorry Pug Mama) doesn't realize how many kids in orphanages get left there until they get turned out to take care of themselves. I guess he would prefer that over kids being put in daycare.
PIPO you handled this the exact way I knew you would - with class. You are one awesome lady!!
Wow....I've been away for a few weeks. Looks like I missed the excitement.
Happy to see that your daughter is thriving and happy!
Ho boy. There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. That guy is in need of some serious real life education. 'Asshat'...yes, that does sum it up well. Wow.
Anyway....I have stopped by your blog a few times since you were still waiting. I just wanted to say Super Congrats. Your daughter is lovely...just lovely.
Take care.
M.
Wow, just wow. the attitudes of some people just amazes me. Wow.
Post a Comment