Daycare today: another difficult day for my girl. She was described as tearful and listless most of the morning. A bit different because she has been Miss Perky at daycare so far.
Work today: another day of feeling like someone keeps turning up the speed of the treadmill on me...while I'm wearing high heels (just to illustrate the point - this gal does NOT wear heels to baby catch or do annual exams)
The S-M-I-L-E I got from my baby girl during our massage time when we were all alone? It lit my heart up by a million watts. Amazing how little it takes these days for this mama to feel like the world has moved. It was brief but it was there and for my gal who hasn't smiled when alone with me for a while now...yeehaw.
Small steps....big gains.
PS: Despite all this it does still hold true that my girl laughs when I get out of the shower...or at the cats whenever they appear. Go figure what that's all about but I'm not about to complain and I won't take it personally ;0)
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
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15 comments:
I have followed your blog for a while with anticipation of Claire coming home. My second baby also had significant adjustment and bonding challenges and it has been a long and difficult journey. But, as you have said, it is worth the work. It is often a very lonely journey...everyone wants to hear about the giggles and smiles!! But, reach out to those who care about you and "get" the struggles. It is a long journey, but you will both heal and you will be stronger for it. Still hurts the heart to see them struggle so. We are home 3 1/2 years and we still have our ups and downs, but one thing is for sure..my daughter (as is yours) is worth every tear, tantrum, and struggle. I would do it again in a heart beat to get this child of mine. We were truly meant to be together...and I did question that when we were in the thick of things. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
Awwwwww, Pipo! I'm so sorry this is so rough for both of you. Glad to hear about the big smile though, that sounds promising. Not sure about that whole shower or cats thing. Sounds like your girl has quite the sense of humor. :)
Y'all take care and hang in there. {HUGS} to both of you.
First time to comment here but I've been following your journey for awhile.
I just wanted to say how moved I am that you are so brave and pro-active in your relationship with Claire. Many would be taking what is happening very personal and therefore not be able to react in the healing way that you are.
You are on a very good road and I wish you all the best.
www.atlastmilanscominhome.blogspot.com
OUr kids FREAKED OUT when they saw our cats. I mean FREAKED. Any time they moved. Which was...well, a lot.
Don't you love it when you get a smile. A REAL smile, that you just KNOW you're connecting? Love that .
Remember baby steps - some days are tougher than others - I always said the same words to K when I dropped her off at school - I love you I am going to work I will pick you up after you eat your snack after your nap - now mind you as a 1 1/2 yr old she had no idea - but I said it woth love - upbeat (sometimes very hard) but the last thing she heard was I love you and see you then - sometimes I would kiss the top of her hand and tell her I would give her other hand one when I saw her - basically something that would happen in the future...
Even this time when we went to China - I told her "when we get back from China...we will XXX" and would rremind her (just in case she may have thought she was staying there...)(she never did)...
Remember baby steps - love love love
Glad to hear that things are going better at home, even if it is in small bites.
Sorry about your crappy day at work again. Happy that your girl gave you a smile though.
I know all to well that sad feeling from getting a report from daycare about a sad girl. At Maddy's first daycare, she would cry miserably when I would drop her off. There was one girl there she latched on to but she was only a part timer. When I would arrive to pick Maddy back up, she'd be playing (by herself) and when she would finally see me.. she would break down in tears. BIG ALLIGATOR tears. I think the relief of knowing I came back brought her to tears everyday. Broke my heart. I was so happy when I was finally able to move her to her new daycare. It's not as "organized" as the other one seemed. It hasn't won any state awards but, there are only 7-10 children Maddy's age. The women who run the place and teach are my age. It's in a church and while I'm not saying christian women are perfect because we definitely are NOT... somehow I feel like the connection they have with Maddy is greater and they understood her needs for love, acceptance, and nurturing. (if that makes sense)
Sending you prayers, vibes, good karma, hugs for better, brighter days ahead!
My kid still has days where he is like that at day care. It kills me when I hear that he had a sad morning. Not trying to pacify what you are saying, just adding that it happens and will continue to happen.
Glad your massage time went well.
I hadn't seen you mention massages before and completely forgot about this technique that a friend of mine did. She described her daughter almost to a T in how you're describing Claire and your post reminded me of the massages they did every night. Now I'm trying to remember other things they did too and may have to ask her - although you're probably sick of all the advice being hurled your way. But all I recall now is that the massages really really helped. So glad you got a big smile during your time together last night and here's hoping/praying that there's lots more of those to come!
Oh Connie... you make me laugh and cry with each posting! I can so relate!! I too dream of writing a best-selling novel or inventing the next can't-live-without product so that I can quit my job to be with my girl all long. Maddie is going to a different babysitter this week and things are better after just 2 days at the new place. She is so much more comfortable there and gets unlimited love and attention there.
baby steps for sure....she's so sweet, I'm sure that one smile will hold you over till the next one....
oh to be on this ride with you- i come here and i'm smiling or laughing through the tears.
it's the best, it really is the best.
the love you have for that daughter shines through in EVERY post, every word. the good of it and the rough of it.
It's super hard (pre-language) to get the 'Mommy always comes back' message across. & even with language, M still doesn't completely trust that I won't leave her for good . . .
Small smile - big step! I am glad you had that moment. It's all those wonderful little moments that count.
Thinking of you...
Ellie laughs at me when I'm "toileting." =) She wanders in after me, laughs heartily, shuts the door and tries to slam the toilet lid against my back and then the toilet again and again. What to do?! =)
Moments keep you moving past all the crap. Hey, I got to use toilet and crap in the same post. I need to get out as well!
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