24 hours and about as many bullets

I have been home with CW for about 24 hours now. My brain still does not quite work because I am still feeling like it is time to go shopping in China. When I finally get to the camera I will have many pictures to catch you up. In the meantime, random thoughts:

• The flights to and from China was very, very exhausting. So, if you'll be going to China soon or even not so soon do know that feeling like you've been run over by a truck and then heard the beep as it backs over you again is quite normal. Going was easier than coming home but both have been tough. Things went okay until Chicago when flight delays and cancellation nearly did me in yesterday.
• If the airport is ANY representation of a typical Chicago dweller I hope to never visit the city again (for the record I don't think it is an accurate representation and I will give other Chicagoans the benefit of the doubt). Almost everyone at the O'Hare airport was atrocious and it was simply the kindness of fellow passengers (many of them) we had never met to see us through a screaming, puking baby strapped to my body as I lugged heavy bags from gate change to gate change to terminal change. My SIL, who never has a bad thing to say about anyone, even noted that 'once we hit Chicago people were meaner than dog$hite" It reminded me of my Atlanta experience last summer...but it WAS 10 times worse with a sick, exhausted baby strapped to me.
  
• I was fortunate enough to get my lost luggage back from United today. Heh, it's a good day when you get your lost stuff back. If they don't lose it to begin with - consider it a miracle.
• I was the picture of health in China. SIL was very sick but getting back to herself by the trip home. CW had a productive cough with fever and was already on antibiotics by flight time as well. I was the fortunate soul to start with the hideous cough and fever the day we had to leave. I am sure it magnified my displeasure with the flight home and am now on antibiotics too.
  
• CW has her ped appointment in the morning. I made it as soon as I had travel arranged and I am very glad I did. It is her visit to initiate care but her cough is still quite ugly and I am looking forward to having her evaluated further. Even though I am quite comfortable taking care of many a thing I am not liking that, despite things improving, we are still having respiratory difficulties.
• What day is it? Jet lag bites.
• CW's wonderful sleep patterns have been thrown to the wind. Last night she was up every 2 hrs after I got her in bed at 130AM. Part is the time confusion and part that cough I can't wait to get rid of. Poor girl.
• I am digging the mom gig so far but I do have to admit that I am amazed how one tiny being basically appropriates your entire life....ALL of it. Just finding time to pee and shower is a special treat right now. Fortunately for all around me I found my way there today.
• I forbid my parents from coming to the airport last night when we found out how late the flight would get in (they're elderly and don't need to be driving around in the wee hours). Instead they came for a visit tonight with sign, bubbles, toys and balloon. I can't imagine them having to lug all the stuff they had into the airport. I just love 'em.
• I had no way to reach others and let them know the situation so Robin, Maddy, Special K and her mom came to greet us and stuck it out until I arrived home very late, stinky, brain-dead and crabby. Thanks guys! Arriving home was honestly a blur after the wheels started coming off in Chicago. We had been at it more than 24 hours at that point.
  
• One thing that is a little hard for me in these first days is feeling only like the butt-wiper, feeder, human napkin, etc. Of course, I know that is the job description but my girl will ham and cheese smile and laugh with nearly everyone else while mostly giving me the somber face at snuggle time or any other. I have to work for those giggles and smiles that seem to come easily to everyone else. Yes, I have read the books. Still, to be the one feeling it is still a bit of surprise. Knowing it and feeling it are two different things. In time, it will come.
  
• Of course, it does not help that I am feeling extreme mama guilt. Our very first night home, I fed my girl and she started doing her usual acrobatics which can be quite extreme. I reached for something and she did one of her flying back arches. I reached back to grab her and I accidentally clotheslined my child. It was only a second but I had her by her neck and head (not with her full body weight, thank goodness). Good night! It shows how quickly something can happen. She was not hurt at all but it scared the macaroni out of both of us. Still, a little clothesline is better than a smack on the hardwood. I just felt so horrible about it happening in the first place and I was so tired I sat down and cried. I was worried about what she would be thinking of me after that event but things seem stable on that front. Yeah, I have to get over some things, I know it. In each parents life, these moments will arise.
• My China diet did not work at all. Drat. The day before we came home I ordered mondo prawns and they came with their heads facing up, eyes staring at me and legs flipped everywhere. I dug right in and they were delish. One more month and I do believe I would have been eating snake (okay, maybe not).
  
• I do hold hope for the China Diet - home version. CW keeps me busy enough that I seldom think about food here so far.
• Did anyone else notice the smell of ganga on Shamian Island? I loved it there but, yeah, someone was surely chillin' like Dylan each evening.
• During the entire two weeks in China I encountered only one person I would consider rude. (The Nanchang Wal-Mart clothing police.) Quite amazing. During my 7 hours in the Chicago airport I encountered about one employee who was NOT rude.
• Does post-China laundry ever end?
  
• Nearly everyone seemed so happy in China. Even many of those who were certainly poor in wealth are very rich in spirit. It was an experience that was life-altering even in addition to the profound meaning of bringing my child home. Thank you, China, for this amazing gift.
• I'll shush for now. I think I've used a whole box of bullets.