...sometimes we each make our own miracles from the pieces given to us.
I am not one who typically uses music on the blog but this needed to be here today. Just listen to the words and it will be clear. It describes my girl. Yes, my 14-month-old baby girl. She's beyond her chronological age in expressing her pain, I believe, due to the unfathomable challenges of her beginnings.
Somewhere along the way in the past year, I remember having the conversation with friends about attachment issues in adoption. Certainly, I believed the risks to be real but I also spoke the very words that I thought too many people looked for problems or blamed every 'bump' on attachment when all kids have their moments. Yes, I said it. Yes, I meant it....then. Call it ignorance, call it denial...it doesn't even matter. Now, it seems so glaringly obvious that if you have a child who has experienced the most horrid pain of being abandoned by her mother - who would NOT have problems related to this? It may evidence as big or small, it may start right away in the new family or not for years. It may be driven underground. Those are variables but, be sure, it will NEVER be a non-issue.
Claire and I had our big bumps when first arriving home but that was, indeed, 'typical' stuff of jet lag, illness, cultural changes. We were never separated and we found a groove. Still, her behavior was something to behold. I had, in essence, a bipolar-like child who became manically happy and charming with strangers yet withdrawn, sullen and, sometimes, vicious with me. The rate at which she can cycle this behavior is alarming. It's like a switch. It is deliberate. It is protection. We were beginning to make some small strides in our relationship one-on-one. She was suddenly exhibiting a lot of excessively 'good child' behaviors that we were working on getting through right before my return to work and the behavior seemed to be improving a few weeks ago. Then came daycare. The wheels fell off.
My girl has done well in daycare and still sparkles and gleams with her huge smile everywhere else. But, I brought home one angry girl in pain that very first night. Gut-wrenching screaming was the order of the day. She vacillated between wrapping around me like a monkey and clinging for dear life or trying to scratch my face off. As it is, she has shredded her own flesh on her low back with anxious clawing. People think I am completely off my rocker because they only see my Oscar-worthy actress and they think it's great when she is Miss Happy Pants reaching for them to hold her. I assure you, the acting gig is real. As painful as it is for me, I have only the tip of the iceberg in knowing what it is like for her. I will never fully know and that is indescribably difficult.
I understand the rationale for her behavior. She saw me leave that first day and stay gone for hours. Her first mother did the same thing and never came back. We were just beginning to gain some rudiments of trust and it was all undone and the hole dug a little deeper yet. Why should she think this 'second mother' would be any different? Mom leaves. That is ALL she knows. It does not matter how young she was. It does not matter if her mother left her with a warm, fuzzy coat in a flower shop or beside a busy road. It does not matter why. HER MOTHER LEFT HER. Can there be a hurt deeper than that? She has had more to deal with in her first year in terms of psychological pain than many people experience in a lifetime. I can love her. I can help her through. I cannot fix it. I struggle too. I can hardly believe that I EVER thought that if the child was young the pain of being left by her mother wouldn't matter as much when she had a mom who loves her more than anything in the world waiting for her. Please, don't underestimate it. I do believe my daughter is teaching me so much for which no book in this world can prepare you.
My girl will heal. We are on top of things and will get through to the other side. I am actually happy that she has been so clear in her behaviors this early. That means more time to work on things and nurture her fractured heart. For now, we do massage, holding and music therapy. Yes, I incorporated the music because that is the one time that she seems to put down her acting role and lets her defenses down. I feel like I can reach her that way. Otherwise her defenses are pretty impressive yet. Massage too..every single morning and night no matter what else is going on...also is helping. Her little body is finally starting to relax more easily with massage. It is such a relief to feel the tension leave her. Yes, my concern is that another work week approaches and we'll probably be two steps back again. One day at a time...for both of us.
I have been in contact with professionals and Clarie will be evaluated in the coming weeks....me, too, for that matter. This is something too important for me to think I can handle it on my own (at least I still have some sense ;0). After all, my daughter is asking for help in the only way she can right now.
I love her. She is my daughter. I will do whatever it takes to get her where she needs to be. I can say all I want that I wish I had been more prepared but I DID do all the reading. The bottom line is nothing much can prepare you for the reality of seeing your tiny child in such pain and not being able to make it go away.
Do I still believe this adoption was the greatest gift of my life? You bet I do. Would I ever have wished my daughter go through this hell to become my daughter? No way.
It is our reality. We will embrace it and make the best of each day.
We can do no great things; only small things with great love ~ Mother Teresa (1910-1997).
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65 comments:
Just wanted to leave you a note of encouragement. Thanks so much for sharing this difficult time with us. I like you have read all the books and such, but sometimes I think we get lost in the ladybugs and pink dresses. We forget what a profound loss these precious children have endured. Sending hugs and prayers as you and C find your way in all of this.
Lyndsey
LID 5/30/06
Thank you for such an honest post. I really believe you are helping others by sharing this. I think it is great that you are having an evaluation done, always great to have an objective outsider coach, support and share observations you may be to close to see. Claire is very lucky that you are "getting it" and while you can never take away that pain, you can teach her so much by being with her "in it" and learning as much as you can along the way. As others have already told you, I'm sure, Claire will build trust and heal through the process of separation and reconnection - when she does it over and over and over again, and sees you come back.
I have said to many people that it is now really clear to me that I needed to become a mom before my next significant relationship/partnership can happen. The detpth of things my daughter is teaching me about ME, about people, about fragility and resilience can't easily be summed up in words. While painful, the potential on the other side is exciting.
Please keep sharing, if you feel you can.
i have LOVED that song forever and i totally agree with you! i personally think this song is appropriate for every family who has adopted or is in the process. it gives me coldchills
I wish I had words.
You are both in my thoughts.
HUGS!
Thanks for your honest, informative post. I also have a 14 month old daughter from Jiangxi (adopted 2.5 months ago). Despite this being our 2nd adoption, we are struggling with attachment issues as well (our first adoption only presented mild issues). My heart breaks for our younger daughter. While she has relatively adjusted well to my return to work, she has been home with my mom for 2 days a week. The real test will come when she starts daycare in 4 weeks. Your words ring true to my current experience. Hang in there. Like you, even on the hard days, I consider myself a very lucky woman to be my daughter's mother . . . though I should consider getting eye plugs. :-)
This little girl needed you so badly, and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to help her.
Just know that we're all out here rooting for you.
Thanks for being so honest and forthright in the beginning of your journey...I was too afraid and so I waited a year before I shared my story. Parents need to hear this stuff straight from the horses mouth. Too many parents suffer in silence because we are afraid that we will be judged, condemned or looked down upon. How can we feel the way we do, experience what we experience when we have been waiting so long for this child? How can we complain? It's not complaining. It's real life and we have to deal with the cards we have been dealt. Just because we long for a child doesn't mean that this child won't come to us broken. It sucks but we have to pick up the pieces, glue them back together and be expected to do so with a smile. Surround yourself with support. Don't be afraid to ask questions. And ALWAYS trust your gut.
C - "Then came daycare. The wheels fell off." I'm feelin' ya... your story is similar to ours. We're sending lots of love and good thoughts your way.
Thank you so much for writing about this. We have been home with our son for 1 year last week. He came to us at 2 1/4 yrs old. We have really had the most awful, tragic, unimaginable time with him. He has been in tremendous pain and has big attachment problems. I have been searching adoption blogs looking for real life stories of others, but all I see is a picture perfect love stories. Not being able to see others go through this too (& talk about it) has made this whole time that much harder for me. We are still dealing with big problems and we are reminding ourselves that we always will, but man, we have come so far in just 1 year too! He is the love of my life, I love him more than I could have imagined; he is my precious son. But I would do anything if I could change his past for him to remove his pain.
I have 2 boys adopted from Korea..The oldest I saw NO signs of any attachment problems/abandoment issues. Then came Tyler and oh my gosh..he so grieved. He would not look at you in the eyes for a long time. He would reach for others but not want me (which broke my heart).
My heart goes out to you. Saying lots of prayers for both of you.
a hug for both you girls. Praying for strength, trust and peace for you and your daughter. My heart breaks for the both of you...but I know that in the end C & C will be as thick and thieves!
love to both of you.
xo
mare
Thanks so much for your honesty about your experience.
Sending healing vibes your way.
I am so sorry Claire and you are hurting. I wish I could say it seems uncommon in these circumstances, but it does not. When we brought our youngest home it was much the same way. She sought strangers and charmed them, she withdrew into herself in crowds, she slept a lot, and she compulsively scratched her upper back until it bled. I went through tubes of antibacterial cream. It absolutely broke my heart. For the first two years we hardly went anywhere and stayed home a lot. I never had a babysitter. But I'm here to tell you it does get better. I promise you it will, as you seek to meet her needs and work with her. It is now 2 1/2 years later and she is a different child...happy and well adjusted and even attending preschool happily. I bet Claire will be the same way in several months. Good luck to you and do not let a case of the mommy guilts get to you! :)
I'm typing thru the tears....I just wish we could make all the pain go away for our little ones. They have had so much pain and loss in their short life. Hang in there, Mama. I'm so thankful that we all have each other to lean on.
*Hugs* for you and your girl. I hope each day forward the sun gets a little brighter.
You know that I have been in similar shoes with Tahlia. Yes, the pain of being abandonned is very real. This is going to be the hardest time of your life (it was for me), but like you said, you will get through it and so will C. It is going to take time and patience. Please know that I am here if you need me. I have been where you are and Tahlia has been where C is.
You know where to find me.
Hugs to you, friend.
Excellent post, my friend. & the fact that you're blogging about all this only makes me admire you even more =)
'Broken' is one of Mali's favorites & I've listened to the words many times (sung by M herself in the backseat) - brings tears to my eyes every single time.
I'm reading 'The Primal Wound' now & am amazed at what they say about adoption. Even if a child is handed over immediately after birth, properly nurtured, & unaware that they're adopted - the wounds r still there. They're not too young to be scarred by an abandonment, not even as a newborn.
Mali often intentionally hurts herself, still does. & it always hurts me more than it hurts her.
Somehow I think they give these special girls to the most special Mommies on purpose =) We'll be completely gray, probably on medication, & full of stress wrinkles by the time they graduate - but dammit they'll be great women!
Thank you SO much for writing with such honesty about what you and C are going through. I look up to you and read your blog voraciously whenever you update.
Wishing you both peace and I hope things improve.
Pipo, I read your blog alot but rarely comment. My comments are rare because even when you post about difficult things or your hard times, you always follow up directly with very logical approaches to things, plans of action, a stated understanding of the "whys" of a particualr situation. In short, I think "hey man this woman does not need ME to say anything"
Today though? Today I think that you need to hear that you are C's Mama and that you will help her through this.
Today I think that it might help you to hear that there are others out there that have also downplayed the pain of their tiny daughter so they could feel okay with how they became a family. I did that.
I too read all of the books, I am a Nurse for Heaven's Sake! I KNEW that there was very little chance of my daughter coming home with no issues. Yet I said to myself, over and over again "see , we are fine we are fine we are fine" I wish that I could go back. I can't. I can only do better and let more love show.
You are so right when you say that we can't fix them. We can not. I can't even imagine the pain tied up in those little bodies and hearts. We can only be there for them and try, try, try. It is in one way just awful that you have to go to work. In one way, it will speed up the realization for C that you come back. That THIS Mama comes back.
It is so good that you posted this as I feel that too many families do not give enough attention to these issues. I know that the spectrum is very wide. I have been on my own dealing with Ev's issues because at this age, most of what I see could possibly be attributed to personality. But I know in my Mother's heart that we still have work to do, so I try different things and see what works. You are so smart to get a little help for the two of you. I read something once that said 'we can't bring them home and hope that organic apple juice and hugs will fix everything"
Stay strong. I hope these words have helped a little and not driven you insane with the "me too's" and the "you can do it's".
Nobody can know exactly what you and Claire are going through. Every child is different and of course every parent is different. After being home a few months, and feeling VERY discouraged, my husband had me go back and watch video of our first moments together and it was finally clear to me that progress had indeed been made. You too will see that and it is so much easier to see it when there is a chance to put some distance in. In the middle of it all, things are much more fuzzy. You have so much wisdom to recognize early on what needs to be done and I think that puts you already miles ahead. Pull that little Wing up on your back and paddle for all you're worth... you'll get there. She is absolutely with the only person in the world who can truly get her through.
Hi,
I am another Ohio mom with a beautiful daughter adopted from China. As I read your post all I could think was wow, what a good mom you are. My heart breaks for the pain that your daughter is going through. I am blown away by your insight and your willingness to take the bull by the horns, so to speak. You are both very lucky to have found each other. Good thoughts and best wishes to you both.
Molly's Mom
I have a little actress, too. And it was very tough. The things that occurred behind closed doors... it's difficult when no one believes you. Huge hugs and prayers to you.
I just love how much you love her. It makes me happy. You are doing all you can for her and that is wonderful.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this. Your words are making me think and reminding me of the books on my nightstand that have collected proverbial dust.
Hugs and good thoughts to both of you.
Keep smilin!
The tears are pouring down my face as I read this post...for the pain both you and Claire must be enduring right now and because your post could be describing my own Ava to a tee!
You are not off your rocker!...no one else sees the "real" Claire...she keeps the act up for everyone but you.
Kudos for you for seeking help right away...the younger the better.
If you don't already know, there is a yahoo group:
attach-china@yahoogroups.com
that has been a wonderful source of info, resources and most importantly SUPPORT from parents going through the same thing. Check it out...you will not be disappointed. If you ever need an ear to listen from someone in the same boat...don't hesitate to call. I know how hard it is to get someone to believe your concerns as no one else can see it.
*HUGS*
Hoping for more better days ahead. Treasure the good moments. Glad to see you typing and letting us all know how you are. You and C, know what is best for each other.
Praying here in PA for peace and comfort for you both.
Kathy mom to Rieley placed with us 7/23/07. Nanchang, China
If you need anything, anything at all, just let me know. I know you are the Momma who can gently guide your little love through to the other side.
Prayers to you and her and your journey.
c
Wow, what an incredible post. I wish I could help, but we were so fortunate to not have any attachment issues with either of our girls. I know we are very lucky. I have heard of issues like these before, so I do know you are not alone. You seem like such an incredible mom and truly are doing everything right. Try to keep your head up. :)
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your precious daughter. I know I did all the reading as well before our daughter came home but like you stated it doesn't prepare you for the pain in your daughter's eyes and the feeling of helplessness it can evoke. I wish you all the best as you and your precious daughter work on this together.
Ellen
Tears in my eyes for your beautiful girl and for you... I know you will work your way through this, but can only imagine the pain she is going through. Happy you have the knowledge to get both of you the help needed.
Will pray for an easing of the pain and for better days to come. Take care... Hugs to Wing... Linda
as a mom of 2 daughters from China, I know what your daughter is going through, too. it is hard for us as adults but at least we "know" the reasons for it and our poor kids do not. our second daughter was 2.5 years old when we adopted her and we were her 4th family! talk about a velcro baby for at least 2 years but that was OK, now it is much better as she is 8 years old now. but we know it is always lurking under the surface...and we will always reinforce the idea that she is in her forever family forever!
Wow! I'm sorry you are both having such a hurting time. RAD is about the hardest thing to go through. Thank heavens you've been able to get the help you both need. Do the professionals encourage birth memory work, like bathing togather in a dim bathroom, etc...? I hope you are able to keep up with your blog. We can all use the information you are learning. My agency has repeated said that ALL adopted kids are special-needs and more and more I believe it. The primal wound you describe, being left by your mother, is the deepest pain one can suffer, I'm sure.
I'll be praying for you both.
Thanks for sharing - I'm sure it was hard to do. It is so important for others to hear about it first handed. Esp. waiting families. Good for you for recognizing the signs and tackling it head on. I'm sure you feel beaten down - but I really admire you for coming forward and for being the mom C. needs. My heart completely goes out to you. Now I will go hug Sofie!
I know exactly what you are going through as we went through the same thing, and in fact, three years out, we still struggle some days. I want to tell you that I think you have a very accurate vision of what she is going through and the empathy and validation of her feelings that you are giving her are the best things to help her on her path to trusting again.
hugs.
Leigh
I think most of us are entering into adoption with full knowledge of the issues that come with adoption, but it's very easy to think that it won't be my little one who will display the pain, because we think our love will be all they ever needed. Not so & though you have the head knowledge, you don't have the heart knowledge till your actually experiencing it. J&I had many foster kids that displayed many different types of these issues & I am 100% certain that E will be experiencing these issues as well. How can she not? She will have experienced 3 major losses by the time we enter her life, why would she trust us?
I'm very happy that C is showing these signs so early. I was preparing myself for the PK age. Count it a blessing that it's coming out so early & you had the book knowledge to recognize it.
Nothing but love & prayers. All our little girls are so worth the battle.
(((((BIG HUGS)))) and thank you!
So many of us have walked in the shoes you are wearing. You are so right about issues coming out now or later...but they do come out. For me and my Isabella it has been 4 years and the pain I feel over everything is still so palpable. That little girl has taught me so much. Wishing you much courage, love, and peace!
Carol
Love that you are seeing this and dealing and being so proactive. And I hope you will continue to reach out and talk about it. It's especially hard when the child the outside world sees is totally different at home with you - and only with you. But you are more than up to this task and I know you two will get through it.
Thanks for putting this out there, I'm so glad that so many moms are starting to talk about this...
it's not all ladybugs, red threads and sparkly rainbows.
I know, we have a 4 year old in therapy and we have seen what ptsd can do to a child's heart. It's like I have a Vietnam Vet in the body of a pre-schooler!
The truth is...it takes a truly 'open' heart to see the pain in another, and not to 'mask' it.
You are her mama and if you see it, I have no dobut it is there. They are so much more complex and capable of expressing themselves than anyone gives them credit for ... we just have to listen and in the right way. I'm glad she has you to put your all into getting her what she needs. I hope you can find the new normal for both of you and some good trust and that things start to improve! Best of luck to you as always.
I am a friend of Robin, Marty and Maddy White. Know that I am lifting you up in prayer at this moment. I pray that in the days to come you feel the strength behind these words. When I am hurting or stuggling, I often turn to Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plnas to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Paula
I am in the process of writing about our first year with A and J and how it has been the hardest year of my life. It is taking a long time because I want it to come across well. It is hard to express your emotions on it without having someone think that you regret your decision. Because that's not it at all. Anyway, please know that there are those of us who DO understand what you are going through and will support you. It can be SO hard, so all together discouraging. We're here for you.
You both are in our thoughts and prayers. It's a long road, but I know you can do it. I'm here if you need anything.
Sam
Thank you for writing from your heart. It must be so hard on the both of you to be feeling so many conflicting emotions. You are both in my heart.
My heart breaks for you, as it does for little C. I don't think anyone could ever "get" what's really going on in her little head. I just hope that with time, she will be secure, because she KNOWS that her Mama will ALWAYS be there. Her Mama, ALWAYS comes back.
Tears for you, my friend. I can't imagine how tough this is for you. But know I'm praying and thinking of you both.
Words fail me. Love abounds. Praying, praying for you and C.
Lately we seem to be hearing so much about attachment and for those of us preparing we'd be stupid to consider for even a moment that it might not happen this way for us and our child.
Honest open posts like yours remind me that I need to scour the internet for information, order those resources others are recommending and be on the lookout for all that my baby girl could exhibit.
I cannot imagine how hard this is but am so very thankful that C is open enough and feels safe enough to show you right away the pain she is enduring. You're loving her mamma and seeking the help you need. In time you will both begin to heal and what a wonderful time that will be.
Love hugs and more than anything, prayers being lifted on your behalf.
What to say? This is a huge deal, and I too am so glad that C is showing her signs now. I am also reading Primal Wound, and it is amazing. I think I perhaps ignored some of the signs that Hannah may have been showing earlier on... not intentional, but I think ignorance played a good part on my end. I didn't want to believe it. Now with more and more people talking the real stuff - freely, and makes me feel better, stronger and ready to handle these issues. Hannah is going in to be evaluated too. I am sending you both lots and lots of hugs, prayers and thoughts. Much love to you both - you will get thru this. I know it.
I am so sorry to hear that you and your little one are hitting a "rough patch". That is truly what it is. A "patch" of time that is hard and heart-breaking all at the same time. I have ALAWYS told Emmie when her daddy and I leave that "this mommy always comes back" My sister always told me that is horrible, but I felt that so many "mommies" had left her that she needed to be consistantly needed to be reminded of that. She even repeats this often and it's 3 years down the road. Now my son, recently adopted 1 month agao is having a horrible time. He goes to everyone else, bright happy ect. I am worried yet everyone seems to beleive he is "adjusting well", We are woriing on it too. We will keep you in our prayers.
I wish I had great advice or words of wisdom to give you. I think you know what is best for your baby girl and you both will heal together. Just know I am thinking of you both.
My heart goes out to both of you. I know your pain. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Janet
I applaud you for being so honest and for understanding your daughter's fears and sadness... parenting is a process and no matter the way your family is created, there are challenges that will break your heart yet are part of life... peaks and valleys... the salty and the sweet.
no words. i have no words. i am just sitting here, with tears literally streaming down my face, in awe of you. in awe of her.
i am so blessed, so brilliantly blessed by those who go before me.
thank you for sharing yourself, and her pain, your struggles, and her struggles, with us. with me.
i am in awe. in awe of you both.
What an honest gut wrenching post. It is heartbreaking to think of what our kiddos have been through. There were some adoptive parents on our trip who weren't aware of attachment issues. Best of luck to you. Sounds like you have a good support system of those who have gone through this along with experts nearby. She's one lucky little girl to have a momma so in tune with her adjustment.
So many of your fellow adoptive parents have gone through this, so you are not alone. The good thing is that there is a lot of help out there and your child can and will work through these issues. Hang in there!
You know, the first six months are the toughest...but you're taking the right steps. You're working with her on bonding and your getting the help you need. Remember while you will have steps forward and steps backward, eventually all of those steps will get you right where you need to be...on the other side an amazing mother and daughter team. ((hugs))
I just stumbled on your blog and saw myself a couple of years ago!!! We started adoptive family counseling and it was the best thing we ever did!!!! We used the funneling approach at preschool and that did wonders. Good for you for getting help for you and her.
Thank you for your honest and brave post. It took us nine months to realize that like your CW, our daughter is a shoo in for an Oscar. She will charm the pants off anyone she meets. Sadly, she will also go to anyone she meets. I had concerns, but I also thought I was being paranoid. After all, everyone commented on how "happy" she is all the time.
Since I am home with her (only until July), we did not have to deal with the day care trigger. I now wish we had, and a lot earlier. We know it's going to get better, and we also know that we have one heck of a mountain to climb.
Just wanted to let you know that there are two more persons rooting for you.
I know that Rumor Queen has had some horrible issues with her second adoption. I was wondering if maybe she could help.
God Bless you!
Mary McG
in TN
My heart breaks for the both of you. You're doing great.
I know that your honesty is helping others with these issues. I remember those miserable nights well. Prayers coming your way!
Hugs,
Robin
This post made me cry. I am less than 24 hours of holding our daughter for the first time, and I had 3 years to prepare and read, and went to lectures. But I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my body watching Hayden yesterday flail her little body around like a banshee, and cry harder than a baby should ever cry when we left her foster mother. I didn't take it personally, I was prepared that she would be upset and actually knew that it was better to see her grieve for someone that she loved.....but it was almost more than I could bare when she was sobbing so hard.
I hope that her heart will heal, as I know Claire's will, but your post was so incredibly profound for me to ready this morning.
Sending good thoughts your way, and a hug too!!
First of all, I want to say how sorry I am that this stage is so incredibly hard and heartbreaking for you and Claire...but at the same time, I wanted to thank you so much for your honesty and your gritty realism. And for being willing to put it out there and process through it.
My husband and I recently joined this crazy line to adopt from China. It's something that we've always wanted to do, and we're beyond excited to finally be waiting. I've been reading a lot of blogs and books about adoption and attachment and I think sometimes I let the excitement overshadow the reality of what these babies go through. I'm thankful for people like you who speak honestly about it.
I've also shared this post with some of my close friends. Dear dear people who have beautiful biological children and who lovingly give me advice already...not taking into account that raising a baby who is grieving, even at such a young age, is a different game altogether. I'm glad that I can point those closest to me to a real situation so that they can prepare for what we might have to deal with someday. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see one thing and have everyone else see another.
I'm hoping good things for both of you. I've read your blog for awhile and you seem to be an amazing mother. And your little girl is incredibly gorgeous. You are lucky to have each other.
Ohhh C.... There's nothing I can say that hasn't been said already in these wonderful comments.
I'm thinking of you both and sending prayers & hugs...
Thank you for not posting the sunshine and roses... It means so much that you have the TRUST to be so honest... XOXO
Thank you for posting this C, thank you. Many prayers for both of you. You are doing a wonderful job mom.
Thank you for being brave and honest. I think it's wise that you aren't trying to convince those who don't "get it", you are the mom and you know. Your post is another confirmation for me to further examine some niggling concerns I have and not brush off what my mommy heart is telling me. I can't seem to find the right resources though. You have the clear, classic symptoms...I have some very subtle, ultra fine threads but want to do the best I can as parent. Any tidbits we can glean from your journey will be so valuable. I wish you and C didn't have to go through this, but am so glad you are on it right away. Love and hugs to you and the sweet wing.
Sending huge hugs and encouragement. I think you're already miles ahead of most people because you're aware and willing to look at things straight on. Not an easy thing to do, and it makes you a KICK ASS mama.
What a beautiful post. As a mum who has a daughter with an attachment disorder I feel your pain. Rest assured it will all be Ok in the long run - you are absolutley doing the right things and Claire will respond to this. But that first loss is a kicker, isn't it?? Our inability to fix that original wound is almost unbearable, yet we must acknoweledge that it exists and that it will impact their lives forever.
Hugs to you and your precious daughter, Cristina in Tasmania, Mama to Alice Xiao Ying, and friend of OziMum
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