I was the greatest mom ever...

...before I had a kid. :0)

Now I settle for a big, fat dose of reality every day. Recent events that will disqualify me from the Supah Mom Olympics:

- I managed to cause The Wing bleeding with a pair of safety nail scissors. I'm not quite sure for whom they are safe.

- While staunching the flow of blood (which just drew a curious look and no tears), Jorgie the cat proceeded to hork up a wad of food on the carpet right in front of us.

- Said cat horking took place because I had forgotten to feed the poor cats and if that happens then Jorgie goes nuts when I remember and gorges until she pukes.

- I didn't raise an eyebrow. I called Jake the cat. You see, Jake enjoys a little partially digested snack. I continued to hold pressure on a tiny finger while Jake helped clean up (are you gagging yet?) Hey, it made my job a lot easier.

- I filled the cat bowl the next day and proceeded to drop the dish. Hill's Science Diet went everywhere. The Wing MUST be up on every move I make so she was right there as a witness. I had placed her on the floor. As I went about picking up the food I was thinking it odd she was so quiet because if there is not 110% attention on her she is squawking about it.

- You guessed it. The Wing was enjoying a little cat food snack. Call the cops, I didn't wrestle the piece she had in her mouth from her. She swallowed it. At 50 bucks a bag it is probably more nutritious than some of the other stuff she has eaten. Yup, everyone lived. No, I won't continue to allow her cat food snacks (I couldn't afford it ;0)

- I'm glad she cannot tell time...yet ;0)

- I get insanely excited that I have only changed one poopy diaper in the last 4 days. She has gone plenty on the potty. I laugh at her when she grunts and groans and, sometimes, grabs her ankles to accomplish her task. I'm quite sorry but it is hilarious. Even she ends up laughing.

- I want to kick everyone in the pants who keep calling her a boy. Even with her diva red Dorothy shoes, people still ask how old 'he' is. Great googly-moogly, people.

- Since my kid will eat anything (quite like a goat) I gave her a taste of some spicy curry tonight. Some may think that mean but she loved it...although she kept hanging her mouth open. It was just a taste (or two) people. And, no, I don't need the email about nuts, etc and possible allergens. I know that too. I really don't let her eat ANYTHING. Just cat food ;0)

This is The Wing right after a hit of curry. That little redness on her face is not due to the curry. She has both dinner on her face and a bit of a slobber rash. She is trying to push a few more teeth through and the amount of drool could flood a small village.

- Moronic comments from people drive me buggy. Yeah, I have to just blow it off and realize that most people who do this are not attempting to be rude or insulting. They are either just ignorant or annoying know-it-alls.

- For those who asked about the car seat chest clip I have included a picture of how it should be (stolen from the web). My picture showed the clip positioned too low and I just knew one of those people who knows everything and has to make sure the world can bask in the glow of their assvice would send me a message letting me know how sad it was that I didn't know how to protect my child. (How was THAT for a run-on sentence?)

- I hide the ice cream and only eat it at naptime or after bedtime. That is mommy's private stash...which mommy could stand to do without but she hasn't come to terms with that one yet ;0)

In other news, it is a busy week ahead. Another boatload of appointments and pictures on Tuesday if the weather cooperates! The Wing's ophthalmology appointment went well. Only 'problem' is she has perfect vision now at an age when most babies are far-sighted. This in mind we will need to be on the lookout for a need of glasses as she gets older and likely tilts towards near-sightedness. No big thang.

Have a good week all.