One

One year ago today an event happened in your birth country that, unbeknownst to me at the time, would leave that day being one of deepest meaning to me for the rest of my life. On that day, you were born. On that day, the beginnings of how we became a family unfolded.

My heart aches that I will never be able to give you every detail of that day. There will be hurt for both of us in the unknowns. There will likely be times in your life when the pull for this information, this piece of your identity, is stronger than others. I will do all I can to support you in finding your path as you grow. No life is perfect and I will try to line the holes of the past with love and courage so when you are amidst times of crisis they seem a bit less harsh. I will never fully be able to say 'I understand' because that would mean I had lived the experience myself. But, I can say I love you and will do everything in my power to assist you in finding the peace your soul will crave....as every human soul craves.

It is with incredible emotion that I wonder about that day a year ago. I wish peace and healing to the woman who labored, gave birth to you and, through hard circumstances, led you to me as your forever mom. I cannot thank her enough for the gift of you. Still, it is okay to be sad sometimes. I struggle with the knowledge that my greatest joy resulted from pain for your birth mother. You, my treasured daughter, will not be the only one to wonder about her as the years go by. When you are little, these moments won't come often. As you grow, I promise you that I will remain open for you to come to about whatever you are feeling.

On a lighter note to the child you are now, today is your birthday! I hope you are warm and full-tummied as we wait these final days to becoming a family. I hope you feel love where you are. If I could box love up and send it , the box wouldn't fit in the room. Soon, my daughter, we will celebrate your birthday, your life, your new family. You have my heart and soon we will honor your day like every 1 year old should!

Love - mom

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A special thanks to all of you who have dropped me a line with birthday wishes for my PIPA. You have no idea how touching it is to me that you remembered.