Now, on to the facts. I decided I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. I have been on the brink of exhaustion for a while now. I have been in a horrid, murky, dismal abyss of a depression these past months. I am just beginning to see that things will start improving. It is because I can see that glimmer of light that I can even talk about it. Happy Holidays, huh?
No fear. This situation has had nothing to do with my daughter. Indeed, she IS my one true joy and I credit her with keeping me sane through all of this just by being herself. It is just the avalanche of EVERY SINGLE THING that needs to be done being my responsibility and not enough hours in the day to do it all. My life has become nothing other than work and my daughter. The latter part of that statement is the good thing. But, there eventually needs to be a time when some form of work does not overtake my every waking moment in some way. Then, the complaints when I can't keep up with social aspects of life don't much help. I am just glad to get through the day lately. What little I have left in me goes to my daughter..as it should be. I keep the well stocked enough for her right now but I'm having trouble getting anything in there for me and it has caught up. It is all a matter of some severe seasonal affective stuff compounded by an over-the-top stress level with work/call. Aside from my relationship with my daughter, my life feels very chaotic now. This is not a feeling I can hang with for the long haul so it is time to pull my mind from the abyss and start figuring things out. It's going to take a while to get there but I know things will turn around and I will find my peace...or some semblance thereof.
This is not about whining...y'all know I hate that. This is about my epiphany that I really can't do absolutely everything all by myself and stay sane. It has taken me quite a while to figure that one out and I am still having trouble with it. This is about owning up to the fact that finding yourself in a dark place is very human and that recognizing it and still being able to give a #*&*$ is the first step to crawling out.
I'm actually starting to feel a genuine small glimmer of holiday spirit...hmmm...better get on it since next week is creeping up quickly! Claire is certainly excited by all the festive business albeit she doesn't quite get why :0) Ah, and Santa was a disaster...even worse than the dreaded Easter Bunny. She'll catch on!
Bring the bright lights on to usher out 2009. Wishing you all the best and be quite self-aware lest a case of the murky-dismals sneaks up and grab you. It simply bites. But, I bite back.
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30 comments:
Cute, cute, cute picture!
I hope you figure things out soon. Actually, I know you will :-)
Hugs C. You're in my prayers. Holler if you need ANYTHING!! Here's to a FABULOUS 2010 ahead!
I think this time of year brings out the worst in us adults. I too need to realized that I can't do it all but I have the same stubbornness as my mother and grandmother!
I hope that you are able to find some "me" time and peace with everything going on. We all need it. Claire is such a cutie and keeps getting cuter every time you post photos.
Merry Christmas!!!
Hugs. We are pulling for you!
Hang in there...it's not easy. One of the strangest things for me to learn to cope with in the past three years is how I can be so tired, so stressed and overworked, and yet so happy all at the same time...it's a crazy mix. You'll figure things out; just remember to be kind and forgiving to yourself. You can't do it all, and that's OK.
I can only imagine how you've been feeling with all you've had to deal with since becoming a mom (sick parents, etc...)
I'm glad you're seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.
I sometimes wonder if it'd be a good idea for a couple single moms to double up, like sisters, and raise families together to share in the practical aspects of life that are easier to manage with two people. I think Allison and Mali are doing this right now with Allison's sister.
What a beautiful picture!! With all the things going on in your life right now it must be nice to come home to that sweet face!
I hope 2010 is better for all of us!
Your daughter is precious. As a single mom of 2, I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. There are times when the things that need to be done become so overwhelming. I'd like to say that in those moments I always just shove everything aside & play with the girls for an hour & then start in with the responsible stuff again. I don't. But, I strive to do that.
Enjoy your holidays & don't stress about it.....any of it.
No one will remember any of it anyways. It matters most that you just show up.
If anyone can kick the blues in the butt it's you my friend. ((hugs)) of love and support. xoxo
Adorable pic!
She's a gorgeous little girly!! Hope you get all your stuff worked out. It's a hard row to hoe (as my mama says), that's for sure! Happy Holidays to you both. Hang in there!
Adorable picture. I like natural hairstyles much better anyway.
I'm happy to hear you're seeing a glimmer of light. I hope it grows larger soon.
You've got your priorities right. Take care of you and your girl.
That's why as a Single mom, one must take advantage of the "village" ideology. It is a necessity to help you stay sane and to make sure you have some enjoyment in life, as a woman, in addition to being a mother.
My motto has always been to employ as much "staff" as needed to get things done that just don't take priority. I long got over the DIY motto... I'd rather be living life.
As you already said and I know because of who you are... This too shall pass.
But in the meantime... Big HUGS to you!!!
Thinking about you - cute picture !!
Happy Holidays!! You will have a happy day with your beautiful daughter and life has a way of sorting things out. Always know you are never alone and people do care . To quote a song..The sun will come out tomorrow!!!. Happy New Year..I know it will be wonderful watching your Claire change into the toddler she is becoming. Linda ( Laurens Gramma)
I'm sorry you're going through this. Parenthood is so hard to begin with and then add in being a single professional with work demands and it's easy to understand how it can be so overwhelming. At least you have the insight to know what's going on. In my case I had PAD and just needed time to get through it. It had zero to do with my girl who was my glimmer of hope during those challenging times. I hope 2010 brings the best for you both.
Will say a prayer that you and your beloved daughter will get some quiet, family time together without the cares of the world pulling you in a hundred directions....
God's peace and
Merry Christmas,
Daleea
Hang in there, mom! I think so many of us single parents know exactly what you're talking about. Things will get better.
PS Love your Christmas photo...she is a doll!
Such an adorable picture!
Thinking of you.
Adorable piccie, hair and all. You are one strong cookie, hang in there girl. Sending lots of good wishes your way.
Well I just love that photo! She is certainly rocking the holiday cheer!
I for one feel as though there are not enough hours in the day to get all the things accomplished that are on my plate, I am rather outnumbered afterall. I am thinking of you as we usher in a bright new year and hope you know you have a sunny place to visit when the SAD bites you hard. Mucho love!
& Eme thanks C for her first Buckeye ornament ever!
Wishing you and your beautiful daughter a very peaceful and happy holiday.
Sending you a huge hug!
Your daughter is simply adorable!
I'm sorry to hear how tired and overwhelmed you feel. I hope everything works out soon.
Happy Holidays!
C - I so admire your candor. Sending lots of good thoughts and hugs your way.
Love the picture of Little C. She has lost the baby look and has taken on the little girl look. Amazing how quickly our little ones change and grow!
I don't know about you and C, but according to our paperwork from the CCAA, we were matched with Maddie on Christmas day. Makes this season all the more special. Merry Christmas!!
Beth
My thoughts are with you!!! Glad to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel!!! Merry Christmas!!!
LOVE the photo
Sorry to hear about the dismals! I totally get it though as I've been there many times. (thankfully not lately) And your right.. giving a $*!* to crawl out is a good step!
Sending you both prayers and good vibes for a better next couple of weeks and a brand SPANKIN New Year!!
Oh how I hear ya! I did a post on it a while back. Love LOVE being a Mommy but I seem to have lost myself in the process. Hoping for Big healthier changes for myself in the NEW YEAR. (((HUGS)))
I know you will figure things out soon... and your little miss looks cute as all get out, hair and all.
What a precious bundle !!! I can't even begin to imagine the stress you are feeling. I hope you are able to get some time off soon so you can rest a bit.
Merry Christmas, C and I hope a less stressful New Year.
Parenting is overwhelming! Hoping you have some help to keep your energy going. Rest is so important too (goes along with needing a little help).
Have a great Christmas!
Alyzabeth's Mommy
Everyone else has already said it all. In a nutshell - "hang in there" - Wishing you and Claire the happiest of holidays!
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