I am asking for advice/opinions on one thing. How about your experiences with kid's photographs? Where did you go? I want to do announcements and am looking for your suggestions on attractive yet affordable options. I stink with the camera, I know this. So, I am planning professional photos anyway and will use one of those for the announcement. Thoughts?
C is napping right now. I can be thankful that she has been a great napper from minute one. As for last night, I am still walking a tight rope but it was the second night in a row she did great by my estimations (or anyone else's). Down at eight and up nearly hourly until midnight when I changed a pooper. The last peep from her was a snort at 1219 and I did not hear from her again until nearly 9AM. Hopefully, my China baby is coming back but I know it could all change at the drop of a hat. What worked for me, I think mostly, was just keeping my cool (at least in front of her) through the time it took. That and, certainly, the information in the book I mentioned in my last post. It is working...for now.
This brings me to a topic I have to get my beyotch on about. Note paragraph number one: See that I am ASKING for advice/suggestions? The sleep issue got completely out of hand with unsolicited advice and, frankly, sermons. Some comments weren't published because, well, give me a break. Certainly, I welcome your input on what worked for your kids. It helps to know the various approaches for sure. Still, all kids are NOT alike. What irritates me is the pontificating that arose in my unpublished comments and email about how I 'must' do this or that...with the undertone that if I don't I am a lousy parent. One issue that came up again and again is co-sleeping. I have no issue with it if that is your choice/what worked for you or if my child and I did better this way. It will NOT work for us. She does like her space to stretch and that is fine by me. She isn't overdistancing and is much more free with affection now in her waking hours. Her eye contact is excellent. I tried her in my bed (which I don't feel physically safe about) and it was not good for either of us. Besides, I am not going to start this when all too soon I go back to a job with a pager and me in and out of bed at all hours of the night. That would be digging an entirely new hole for us and I am not doing it. Her crib has always been in my room and I have sight line on her now. I fully expect that she will stay in my room for quite a long while. We have the noise machine and also lullabies when called for...one thing doesn't work all the time. The point is we are finding what works for US and it may not be what worked for others. Heh, I see it this way, it is one week today that we are home and we have made some great strides. I think that is fabulous in and of itself. One step at a time, one day at a time. I never thought it wouldn't take time. I'm sure we aren't even near the clearing of it all yet either. I'm in it for the long haul so that we both flourish with each other. We are finding our way. My point in posting about it was simply to vent the frustration and raise adjustment issue awareness. Thank you to everyone who made thoughtful comments or sent encouraging emails because you have been in the shoes...some for quite a long time.
Okay, enough of that. So, I suspect I have reached another right of passage. I usually change C's diaper on a pad on my bed. She is a grabby gus so I usually fold up the dirty one right away and place it out of reach. Yesterday, that happened to be under my pillow where I promptly forgot about it. Last night when I put my head on the pillow I was thinking this 'don't worry about the house' thing was not working too well because the place smelled like hot ape caca. I didn't discover the diaper until I tucked my hand under the pillow...ewwwww. At least it remained closed...just major stinko ;0) Oh, the things that don't even bat my eye now...such a surprise.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
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43 comments:
LOL!!! Ape Caca under a pillow = not a good thing.
Thats for the laugh.
I designed my own announcements in Photoshop and then sent them out via PremiumPostcard.com ... I was inspired by some of the cool sites out there like InaBabyCarriage.com but didn't really love their colors or the whole have to stamp, lick, address envelopes thing.
This is her 1st b'day invite that I did the same way ... I'll send you the link to her birth announcement if I find it late. :P
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jesser80/2262256012/
I think you will find yourself changing her diapers in even more unusual spots as time goes on.
As for the sleep issue, give yourselves some time to adjust and find what works for you both. I think everyone means well but you are right that no two kids are alike. Kerri is a great example: she had mild to moderate RAD and EVERYONE insisted on forcibly holding her and making eye contact. That did not tame my tiger - just made it worse! We found other ways to overcome and build trust, and I learned to just use my gut instinct a lot more than the well meaning advice that never worked for us.
On the co-sleeping, we resorted to it because we were left with no other options and it worked for us. But it took almost four years to get her to sleep alone in her room! Maybe pulling the crib closer to your bed so you can reach out and touch her for reassurance might help?
Good luck!
Whew had to go re-read my email to you yesterday. As for pictures, if you have a friend or someone you'd feel comfy around taking Claire's photo, you can then do something on shutterfly, tinyprints or other online printer. It gives you the flexibility to have exactly what you want without having to endure the photo studio. If you do opt for a studio, the best time to go is during the week when school is in session (spring break is coming so Easter pics are in full force). When you make an appt (if you go this route) ask them for the quietest time so you can have the best result with the least amount of stress . We did our first studio shots at a local baby store and they were beautiful and I explained these were our first photos and they blocked out extra time for us. I made our holiday cards from them. Also bear in mind that if you want your photos on a CD some places will charge an arm and a leg. I've actually seen some VERY nice photos from Target (check to see who has a studio) and you get them on a CD too pretty reasonable. Then you can have your announcements made. I'm bias but our holiday cards came out perfect. Good Luck
Not sure on photographers. I quit taking mine when it took a professional 3 times to get a photo of Cole before he walked off and would have none of it. It was to stressful for me. Goodluck finding someone. I don know my SIL used a great photographer in your area, I can check with her if you like.
LOL at the poopy diaper.
The advice? Like I said before, go with your gut and do what works for YOU. The heck with what everyone else thinks.
As for announcements, you can make some really cute ones online.
As for a photographer, if you don't mind a photographer who is still building her portfolio, I am your gal ;-)
I think educating yourself about all of the options, then trusting your gut is the key.
We dealt with sensory processing disorder and attachment issues (some might label it RAD). Most people advised me to hold her close and force eye contact. That did NOT work for the Tongginator - it was too much stimulation for her. I trusted my gut and either held her close with NO eye contact or I worked on eye contact from about four/ five feet away. It worked for us... but oh, how so many people criticized my game plan. All this to say, educate yourself and listen to others, but then go with your gut. It's usually right on.
As for having the little bit's crib in your room - some people do label that co-sleeping. Hee hee.
Oh My God... I love it... Last night I was smelling something odd in our house but we are past the diaper stage... wonder if I will still smell it tonight with your post in my mind. :-)
For photos I have used Proex as well as a local photographer and they both turned out great.
Now I've had some stinko diapers stashed in some interesting spots before, but never under my pillow. :) I can only imagine how fun that was, LOL. Glad the sleeping situation is getting better!
As for pics, as cute as your girl is, you could probably have them made just about anywhere and get some good ones. I'd be willing to bet that you have a friend who would be more than happy to come over and snap a few of your sweetie (J&T's mom comes to mind, doesn't she live close?) and then you could use an online place to get them printed, my fave is Tinyprints. Can't wait to see what you get!
Hey I know a fantastic picture taker in Ohio who is one fabulous looking blonde with not one but two beautiful daughers from China. This particular gal loves to chat and drink coffee....ringing any bells:)
sugar honey iced tea under your pillow....not a good thing...even wrapped up!
if you look on the back of Sophie's announcement it has the name of the gal who did ours. It was easy breezy lemon squeezy! Just picked my design, quote and sent the pic.
Good luck!
Oooh and try etsy. Tons of announcement stuff there too!
glad the sleep thing is going better. I am bouncing soph back to her room this weekend. wish me luck!
Is it wrong that I am laughing my head off at the diaper under the pillow?? Too funny!
Sorry that you have received some icky sermons about sleep. You are so right, what works for some is not the be all and end all for all. It sounds like she is finding her way into the whole sleep routine. Hang tough, my friend.
We went to Portrait Innovations to have photos taken. It really depends on the local photographers though. IF they are good, the pics will be good. if they suck, they will suck. So ask around town who has good photographers. I just know to go to a place where they hold the camera and can get down on the ground or at weird angles. I never will go back to a place that has a camera on a pole. Too restricted.
The last pics at PI were not good though as they were printed up too dark. The pose was good though.
My best luck though, has been to get a photographer hobby friend and ask them to come over and take pictures at home. That way it is relaxed. Then they just give you the memory card, or burn to a cd and you print your own.
Co-sleeping didn't work for us either. It was like sleeping with the Tazmanian Devil! No good.
Now the diaper under the pillow? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
That's all I have to say about that!
Like the last poster I have seen some great pics from target. I don't have any kids of my own but I took my cousin and her two girls (2yrs & 6wks) a few weeks ago. It was the first professional photos for both girls and they turned out amazing! I printed out a coupon on their website and got some pretty good prices on them.
LOL.. Gotta love those stored away dirty diapers... We lost one once under the covers and it made it's way down to the end of the bed. Luckily it was just a wet one but still.. pee stinks too!!! :0)
The diaper story had me laughing my head off!! Thanks for the laugh!! Glad to see that things are beginning to settle down. You are going to find what works for you and all will be well. No suggestions on photographers!! Sorry!!!
I just love your blog--you have a fabulous sense of humor! (1) I take my girl to JCPenney Portrait Studios. At first, I told the photographers just to back off, be quiet, and let ME get the smiles. They honored my request, and I have been forever grateful. Now they can work with Little Bit too--she's OK with them. (We have lots of stranger anxiety around here.) I know lots of other folks do fancier stuff with photos, but JCP works for us. (2) I hate sleep issue advice too. My girl likes to be in her room with complete dark. We never co-slept and we're doing great around here. (3) You have me in peals of laughter over that poopy diaper bit. Hilarious!
OMG, just DYING over the diaper story. Dying!!! Love it.
Just wait until you catch puke in your hand without even flinching. :)
Are you close enough to have Sandra do the pictures?
Lovin' the poopie pillow stash story....
you go girl - get your beyotch on!!!
I would never even begin to tell what YOU MUST DO - 'cause I have no idea how I will handle nights when I am trying to "learn" my daughter just as she is trying to "learn" me.
As I told you before - there is no easing in - you both are just thrown in.
You just keep on deleting the "know it alls"
SSoooooooo - I JUST now noticed that that picture below is of CW sitting on the couch - ohhhhhhh, melts my heart!!! I'm so happy to see her sitting on it!!!
The pamper under the pillow is HYSTERICAL!!
Last week I was driving and I kept smelling something REALLY RANK and I couldn't tell what it was. When I got home I checked under my seat and it was a pamper - from when Heather came to visit. On the way to the airport we had to pull over so she could change Georgia and I forgot to take the soiled pamper out of the car. So I had been driving around with that thing under my seat for a week!!!!!
I had to quickly go check to see if my comment on the last post made it through! I'm glad it did!
We use Ritz/Wolf Camera for our Christmas cards and they also have a nice selection of announcement cards that are quick and inexpensive. But I think you're asking about someone to take the photo and not necessarily a place to create the announcement.
I'm not a pro but I get some great photos simply by putting my kids in natural light (outside but not in direct sunlight) and taking 2000 photos with the digital camera. When you take that many photos, you'll almost always get a bunch that are good. You know what makes your baby laugh so take a bunch of props and go crazy. When my girls were little, I used earthquake putty to adhere a little plastic elmo toy to the top of the camera. Later, I resorted to slapstick comedy to entice a smile. One good trick is to practice taking pics while NOT looking through the viewfinder. Kids respond better to faces and aren't usually keen on adults with big SLR's hanging off their right eye! Final advice is to use a good photo editing program to tweak the photo and make it awesome. If you get a photo that you really like, feel free to send it to me and I would be delighted to play around with it and make it fantabulous! I think I'm pretty good at this! :)
Donna
Our blog: Double Happiness!
Oh my dawg! I love the story about the hot ape caca...seriously.
Hey!
I used http://www.lauralainephotography.com/children1.html
for Kate's photos this year, and for our Christmas picture and I was very happy.
She'll work with you on prices, etc. but i wouldn't call it super affordable. At least I had a hard time keeping money in my pocket!
In terms of sleep- Kate just always had a hard time when she was sick. I just learned to suck it up, and take advantage of the times she was well. Sorry I don't have any other great advice.
We would not use the same vendor for announcements again, so no recommendation from us. Sorry!
MY BTDT comment: I know that you know what is best for your child, and yes, it can change daily. With all the hugs and love you give, life will be grand no matter what is thrown you way! She's precious and she is yours! Happy Motherhood!
P.S. I never agreed with co-sleeping (wasn't right for us either) so do what is best for you both!
Alyzabeth's Mommy
I love visiting your blog. I always get a good laugh! Thanks...
Love your blog...your honesty and humor make it great! Since I am still waiting for our baby girl, I have no clue about pics or sleeping. I don't sleep well so I figure if ours doesn't sleep good she'll be fitting right in here! Blessings to you and I'll look forward to seeing those new pictures!!!
Michelle
Love the poopy diaper story! LOL!
I took a shot and uploaded it to Kodak and had beautiful cheap announcements done in days.
I do have to say that I have used Target and The Picture People and got stellar results.
IMOHO, I would TOTALLY go with Sandra's offer of photography...I would choose a Mom who loves me and my CW over anyone else! :)
Enjoy the process, and congrats on the progress!
I laughed out loud on the diaper story..That is to funny!!! You are a Great Mom and you do what works for YOU!!!
We used Dream It! Design, you can google it. It is an online service. The owner custom designed our announcement. She has a bunch of adoption announcements on her website. I thought the prices were really reasonable and the final product was great.
Good Luck.
Don't sweat it you guys will find your groove eventually :) And don't be surprised if you have to find a whole new groove once you go back to work. You are right to trust your own mommy instincts too.
Too funny about the diaper :O
No advice....just learning lots from you! Quickly updated my wish list with the book you recommended yesterday as well as put it on hold at the library. Might as well start now.
Happy to hear how well your sweet Wing slept last night and hoping it's just the beginning.
Hot ape caca = hilarious!!!
check etsy, search birth announcements and there are thousands....so many it is hard to choose.
Can't wait to see what you pick.
I saw Sandra's comment above.
Told ya... ;)
Check out "Celebrating Adoption" - professional photogs who will do a FREE sitting and give you a FREE set of the photos. No kidding!
http://www.celebratingadoption.org/
I did it and got some amazing and wonderful photos... see my blog post here to read about it: http://habeshachild.wordpress.com/2008/06/14/celebrating-adoption/
Oh, and I could NEVER sleep with my girl. Wouldn't work for either of us.
Keep on keepin' on and try to ignore assvice. (Listen if you feel like it, but blow off anything that doesn't seem right for you and your CW... YOU will know what is right for you.)
Loved, loved my Celebrating Adoption photoshoot. Check out their website and see what the photographer(s) near you are like.
Just how bad are you with the camera? Do you think you can get one good one if you take 30? If not, I like one of the other comments about getting a friend to help vs. a professional. If that's not an option, malls around here have something called Picture People or something like that. Studios like these tend to have cookie cutter looking photos because they use the same props, but if you use a plain black or white background, it will be personalized on your announcement.
If you want to try with your own camera, I highly recommend going outside, particularly to a park. I can't remember if you life where it snows or not so I don't know if this will work.
Some Babies*r*Us stores have photography studios, too, and there's always Walmart, but I'm not sure if all of them have studios.
Is there an egroup of single adoptive moms for your area? There's a Yahoo group for mine. If you find something similar, perhaps someone local will have a suggestion.
Your sleep solutions sound great. If she was a good sleeper in China, you should be able to replicate that once clear of jetlag. I was wondering what you'll do for childcare when you're called out at night.
You have a distinct advantage, I think, being a midwife. You've observed the infant/mother bonding process over and over, from easy births, to ones that ended medically and I'm sure this gives you insight. Not to mention, of course, motherly insight of your own from the moment your daughter was placed in your arms. It must be amazing how that bond grows as you get to know each other and fall in love more and more.
I like Pennys. You can get the photos emailed to you for a few bucks. They also allow the kids to stand up and move around (unlike walmart).
Does your BRU have photos?
I am too cheap to take K - so I spent $ on my Nikon D90 - and a member ship to Costco - take 1000 pics - a few will be good - and print for cheap! Oh and the not looking thru the viewfinder -works like a charm - hide toys behind you and POP them out - pretend you are going to toss it to her - she will "grasp" the air (maybe a little older for that) makes her hands go to her lap - over and over - also prefocus your digital camera -(press the shutter release 1/2 down)
CW is soooo cute - just go with the flow - but take a lot of pics - I wish I did in the beginning - they grow sooo fast!
ps diaper under the pillow ROFL
Yeah, people LOVE to tell you how to raise your child. I think it is appropriate since they know the child so well, right? I've had a number of APs and non APs do the same thing and co-sleeping DID NOT work. I really wanted to make it work, but any little sound and the Spud is up. Not only that, we can't be in the same room during sleep time. If he knows I am there he will giggle and want to play.
Let me know if you come up with a good way of correcting people. Even my pastor's wife told me I needed to let him "scream it out" or he would get spoiled. That ONE I put straight very quickly.
Ellie is a future rockette! Co-sleeping? NOT an option. We only co-slept in China cause at two of the hotels, she was hanging over the side of the shallow crib. Hardly the industrial asylum crib your babe was provided! =)
Ohhhh! My Pet Peave as well. I am SO SICK of people/friends giving me advice AND acting like I am the worst parent ever or the most overprotective mom.
I have been raked over the coals because I do not let Hannah "cry it out"' I agree with you, what ever works for your family.....and with Hannah's level of PTSD, trauma and anxiety that is NOT going to work!
Yes this is a slow process that only you and your child can go through. Sometimes it is so slow that it appears you are not making progress. The best advice we got was from our SW and the IAC. She said don't look at yesterday as a marker for progress but take a snapshot over several months.
You may have inspired me to post a GET off my back post as well. Bio only parents have no idea...and quite frankly, even IAPs do not know how WE feel but come the closest. I tend to confide in them.
There is also a wall of shame with IA families. Nobody seems to want to talk about the hard stuff. I think that is so sad because after preparing I was shocked when we got home. We all need to talk and share so that others can learn AND for everyone to know what is normal and not to be ashamed.
OK....off my soap box.
I have some pic advice. I am an amateur photographer (I used to work at The Picture People and I also do photo shoots for my friends' kids at no charge). I honestly feel that the best shots are the ones at home in the kids' own environment. They HATE the studio, it's restrictive and boring for them. I am with Donna, natural light is the best. I set up a mini "studio." I bought flat sheets at W-Mart (2 black and 2 white). I first shoot with the white, then the black. First, I find a way to create a backdrop (my last shoot I anchored one sheet on top of the table with something heavy) and then created a seat with a pillow or boppy on the floor and threw the other sheet of the same color on top of it and just make sure the two sheets meet. Then just have fun. Put her on her belly and make her laugh. Shoot from above, lay on the ground, anything goes! Don't be afraid to zoom in close. I'd love to do it for you, but I am in PA! Dangit! Sorry if this was more than you wanted! It's sort of my thing!
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