Oye!

* I keep thinking about mamahood. I hear time and again how hard the adjustment can be and I certainly don't discount that. I believe it 110% On the other hand, I am way too accustomed to living a life that isn't my own first anyway. I have spent years without the flexibility many single/child free couples have. I don't much ever get to drop things at the last minute and run off. My type of work demands a lot of me. Some times I regret this. Most of the time I don't. I chose the life I have so if it ever really gets to the point that I have more regret than anything else then I will know it is time to change some things. But, because I am so accustomed to frequently being at someone else's beck and call, I am hoping it makes the mamahood transition easier for me. Only time will tell. I do have every confidence we will find our way without either of us getting squirrely too quickly ;0) Ah, the optimism.

* I feel deeply for my on-the-cusp of referral pals. I remember the recent and miserable feeling when I saw lousy batches and then missed the cut-off by a day. But (see above point) I kept myself so freaky-busy it didn't take me down long. Distraction, fortunately, worked for me fairly well. It may sound odd but I am glad I was not on the cusp with people I know well. I may have had a harder time myself if I had someone else close to suffer with in the final steps :0) That's me though. I'm one of those private types who thinks she's tough as nails. I wish I could tell my buds that it gets better, easier after referral. For me, it has been far worse in many ways although I am doing well, staying on top of things and sleeping like a baby when I can. There is a special kind of pain in looking at the face of your child and not being able to touch them. That child you have dreamed of is no longer a figment. She is real and you are, again, waiting for her. You are wondering how she is faring and your heart breaks when you wonder if she is cold, hungry, lonely... Good Night - I have got to stop that train of thought! Stop. Stop. Stop!

* One could not tell from this post but I am actually in a good mood. I DO know the waiting is coming to an end soon. I've done it this long and can make that final sprint. In the end, what do home loans, work stresses, or personal annoyances really matter once you look into the eyes of your child? I have an amazing reality check in my life and I could not be more grateful. I have been given the greatest of gifts. I am also so happy that others will experience exactly how that feels when they see their children at the end of this wait.