Regaining perspective

I have to admit that yesterday was quite difficult for me. Yes, I know the referrals are not even out yet but, for my own sanity, letting go of the idea that this would be my month was harder than expected. In reality, I know it IS only about 4 more weeks from this release of referrals but, after all this time, I caved to a little self-pity. I just decided to allot myself some time to whine and be done with it because I cannot tolerate much of the 'woe is me' type when I have no true idea what it is like to live the challenges some people face everyday.

As a part of this allotted pity party I ditched on my office Christmas party. Shoot me. The last thing I wanted to hear were some of the not well-stated comments about a) "Are you sure this isn't all a scam?" b) "Oh well, one less month you have to pay for daycare" c) "Just take my kids, they're a pain", etc. I simply wasn't in the mood for it. So, I did what any self-respecting, self-pity queen would do and ran to my mama instead. I realize how fortunate I am to still have that as an option.

I went to a Mongolian grill for dinner with my parents. Then, my dad was off to play poker for the eve so I packed up mom and went shopping. No big thing...just hanging out without having to worry about anyone saying anything stupid that would make me want to a) smack them b) cry or c) both.

We were wheeling through Hobby Lobby when a great idea occurred to me. I had already decided I was going to flat-out steal this lovely mama's idea for a small China tree to honor my child's birth mom. I spent much time during this wait saying I wasn't putting the Christmas tree back up any season until my kiddo was home. Believe me, THAT gets depressing. So, I ended up with the idea to do the little China tree NOW. Instead of not putting a tree UP until my girl comes homes, I won't take this one DOWN until I get her referral. (There, I surely hope referrals are in early January ;0) It's all about perspective. I can choose to be miserable...which is horrible for me and everyone around me. Or, I can look at things from a new and brighter angle again. Just thinking about the fact that those ornaments and lights won't be boxed away until I know who my child is creates such a comfort. I had about 24hrs of Zen loss in there but it is now back ten fold and that makes mama happy. Well, my literal mama may not have been too happy. Poor thing was my pack mule. She's in a wheelchair so I didn't have a cart. By the time we got out of Hobby Lobby, nothing much was showing but the tip of her nose over all the boxes. But, one can never keep a good shopper down and we made it through.

The spoils:





PS: I also received a PERSONAL letter (not a form letter) from the director of the day care I chose. She discussed our visit and remembered/revisited many of the personal details I had asked about. Wow, to think the only thing I got from the other facilities was a form-letter reminder that I would be expected to pay $2 per minute for every minute I was late for pick-up. I do believe I am in love with my day care choice.