I have got to get myself out of this mood. Methinks I may be a tad overstressed. I live and breathe all things work and preparation for mamahood now. I think my 'touchiness' is the result of trying to control more than I should probably worry about trying to control....or could ever hope to control. I realize this. I just have to work my way through the transition. That and if one more person asks me to bring them food when I barely ever eat (or shall I say cook) anymore, I'm gonna blow. (Yes, I became the office baker some time ago and now everyone expects food all the time.) Nah, I won't really blow but I think it is more than ballsy to be so demanding.In mamahood prep of the moment, I have GOT to get on it and make a daycare decision. The waiting lists are almost as insane as the cost. We're talking almost equal to a house payment, people. How does the average Joe manage this? Obviously, they do but I am seriously wondering how. I am finding between $1100-$1400 per month on average in my area (am I the only one who finds this shocking?) I know I can do better financially in a private-home situation but I have trust issues and live in terror that my child would be more likely to suffer some kind of abuse in a less-public situation. Yes, I know, that may be unrealistic but I am just so concerned about the hands my child will be in. I also know I am not the first to feel this way. Simply put, I want the nanny cam! Plus, it is true that the organized centers are going to have more reliability than an individual. I need reliability. So, I keep turning things over in my mind. Whew, it is frustrating. I have to let go and realize that if I don't like how things are going, I can always change it.
I did finally tour some of the day care sites. I promise you, my heart just flip-flopped. I understand the need for 'lock-down' but being 'buzzed-in' made me feel like I was entering a prison. Even though I looked at very nice places, I still just felt 'institutionalized' Ouch! I tell you right now I will be the one sobbing when I have to drop off my girl. That is going to kill me. She's not even home yet and I came home from the last tour and cried. Well, I certainly went into a profession in which I cannot 'work from home' ("yikes" at the thought) so I just better suck it up and get a plan in place...right now. I never really cared about being independently wealthy but, today, I have to say it wouldn't be so bad. Then I wouldn't have to sweat the need for day care. Oh well, 'independently wealthy' ranks up there with the pipe dream of a near-perfect 'Mr. Mom'. Time to put on my big-girl panties and take care of business on my own as I chose to do. I have every faith all will work out fine. I'm learning to roll with the punches/surprises along the way already. I have already realized that, although the greatest thing since sliced bread, parenthood is no walk in the park. Even so, I can't help but believe it will be easier when I actually have that little person HERE with me. Then all the planning makes more sense because I'll know for whom I'm planning!
PS - My vote for the November cut-off is 2-21...cast yours in the sidebar ;0)
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Hey PIPO,
daycare costs approx the same in our area too.
Here's what we did. I looked at a few places close to my office and then a friend recommended someone who watched her daughter. I met her, called her references and made the decision to have her watch Kelsey. She has about 2-3 younger children and usually 2-3 older kids (usually 1-2 full time) she also cooks all meals and provides breakfast and lunch and snacks. If I worked later, she gave Kelsey dinner when she fed her 2 teens.
Here's what gave me comfort. This is her business and there is no turnover. Plus, I spent the first few days with her once we were closer to going back to work and I got to see her interact with Kelsey and how Kelsey felt with her. there was a trust level. She does make fun of me because I coddle our girl a bit more than she would...but that's the differnce between a person building a relationship with the person they entrust their child to.
And bonus? $200 per week, including all food. I only provided diapers, wipes and diaper creme (I did provide baby food and bottles until that was done as well)
Kelsey is now in daycare 3 days per week, the other 2 she stays in daycare. And summers and days off, she goes back to daycare.
It's been a godsend and the woman's home is 1/2 mile away from our house.
Good luck, it's hard to decide who to watch the most important person in your life!
Prepping for mamahood sounds great. Until you have to get down to the nitty gritty of reality. I had everything worked out before I left for China. My baby shower turned out to be Erin's presentation to all my friends. It was there that I realized my carefully laid plans were going to shit. I got very lucky that same day though. One of my dear friends was turning into a SAHM & offered to watch Erin.
When it was time to put Erin into preschool, there was only 1 thing we considered. It turned out to be wonderful for all of us.
Have you considered the day care at your local house of worship? I don't know what the cost would be, & trust me when I say mine was costly, but it can be a great experience.
I know how hard this part of the process is. At my baby shower, my plans for daycare flew out the window. My cousin was supposed to be watching Erin, but I overheard her say that she has no problem with spanking. Sorry! That doesn't work for me. No one but hubby & I get to do that. Thankfully my dear friend Debbie had decided to become a SAHM since she was about to pop out her son. She offered to watch Erin for me. At first, I just brought supplies for both kids. Eventually I was paying her $150 a week.
When it was time to put Erin into a preschool setting, we chose to join a local synagogue. Erin had a great experience & we've both made wonderful friends. Perhaps you should look into a local house of worship. I'm not sure what the cost would be, but it couldn't hurt to check it out.
I hear ya! Day care was and still is hard. The first days were terrible but now she really likes it and that gives me peace of mind.
this is truly a hard part. we looked at all the child care facilities in our area (NY) at the time and the pricing was very high. This part was torture for me - I begged my sister, mother, to take care of him - we ended up (based on referal) to go with a home daycare situation. The right situation will work out for you and your daughter
This is why I am a stay at home Mom now. It just made more sense for me to quit than to hand my paycheck over to someone else to watch my daughter.
And I understand the trust issue. In the three years and three months since we have been home with Kerri, we have left her (with a relative) only twice. And only for a few hours. I don't trust very easily either.
Some of the modern daycare centers have nanny cams that allow you to go online and see what your kid(s) are doing. That sounds like a good idea (of course I would be checking my computer constantly and not getting any work done!).
Daycare is astronomical. We are very, very lucky that my husband's college will provide care for Sophie at a very nominal fee. I have to tell you that I worked in public daycare centers(several) for 14 years, and I will not put my young child there. The state ratio(in CA) of babies to care giver is 6:1. Six babies! For one childcare provider! How can anyone care for 6 babies? The private childcare centers that I have been to have much smaller ratios. As long as they are licensed, I would not be concerned that something bad would be more likely to happen there than in a "public" daycare. Good luck!
1. put chocolate exlax in your next batch of brownies & they'll stop asking :P
2. our daycare is $1100/month... that's the going rate here in the boonies, and I am totally with you on the debate btwn private daycare vs. a facility.
3. I cried the day after having Miss Georgia just thinking about having to give her over to daycare... :(
4. still waiting to use those pussycat glasses ;)
Is there a Montessori in your area? We looked at several and the Montessori centers have excellent and nurturing programs - they require everyone who works there to be certified by Montessori, etc. and the daycare seemed to be a notch above the others.
In our area it's $1500 a month minimum.
I was mostly a SAHM with Ariel but at one point I hired someone who came highly recommended and checked out just fine... I came home early one day and found she was talking on the phone, eating ice cream and ignoring Ariel, who was crying in her pack n play five feet away, with an overloaded diaper. The woman was completely and callously ignoring her. So if anyone out there does hire someone to be in your home, get a nanny-cam!!
I am so excited that you are so close!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cried when I went and looked at daycare facilities. I just couldn't do the institutional thing. Do you have any teacher friends? Find out who watches their kids. I could not have loved Abbeys licensed home day care provider any more...she was so wonderful and I felt so safe. I am thrilled with what Abbey had with her, but boy do I know your struggle in looking and how hard the prices are to deal with too.
Hugs to you...and lets both ask God to give you a wonderful solution.
Ok, here is my daycare experience:
With my two oldest sons, I shared your concerns and they were always in a public childcare situation and we payed top dollar. It was crazy expensive.
With Eli, he is in a private home with an amazing woman. But she recommended to us by people we know and trust who go to church with this woman and know her very well. Also, she had many references.
We are very fortunate because this woman is wonderful and she loves our son and has been a blessing to our entire family.
I will tell you, the cost is night and day. We pay $125 a week for Eli and when Sophia comes, she is only going to charge us $200 a week for both of them.
Now, I know this is a steal.
But do you know anyone who knows someone VERY WELL who they could recommend to you?
Because in public childcare we dealt with illness constantly because people would bring their children in sick and the babies are all pooled together and putting the same toys in their mouths, it's a mess.
It's been 952 days. You're allowed to be cranky, cut yourself some slack. As for daycare costs, the amounts are outrageous and I know you won't mind a bit once you find the "perfect" place for your daughter to have fun while you're away. When looking, I only have one piece of advice - go with your gut.
Have you considered in-home daycare? Tabby has been in a wonderful home daycare since she was 3 months and I have been very happy with it. Like any solution it is not 100% perfect, but I feel it to be wonderful in many respects, especially when she was really little. We pay $35/day and I feel like she has had very few illnesses there as compared to friend's children in institutional places. They are licensed and visited by the state in most places and referrals do a lot for me too. For later years you might check out public preschools as well. For about the same that we're paying now we can get Tabby into a preschool program run by our local school district that goes from 7 AM to 6 PM. Of course with your on call things it's probably a bit more complicated, but just a couple of thoughts! :)
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